Handy Andy, vol 2 | Page 4

after that accident he became a hale healthy man. What
do you think of that, sir?"
"It does not surprise me in the least, sir," said Murphy; "I can account
for it readily."
"Well, sir, I never heard It accounted for, though I know it to be true; I
should like to hear how you account for it?"
"Very simply, sir," said Murphy; "don't you perceive the man
discovered a mine of health by a shaft being sunk in the pit of his
stomach?"
Murphy's punning solution of the cause of cure was merrily received by
the company, whose critical taste was not of that affected nature which
despises jeu de mots, and will not be satisfied under a _jeu d'esprit_; the
little doubting man alone refused to be pleased.
"I doubt the value of a pun always, sir. Dr. Johnson said, sir--"
"I know," said Murphy; "that the man who would make a pun would
pick a pocket; that's old, sir,--but is dearly remembered by all those
who cannot make puns themselves."
"Exactly," said one of the party they called Wiggins. "It is the old story
of the fox and the grapes. Did you ever hear, sir, the story of the fox
and the grapes? The fox one day was--"
"Yes, yes," said Murphy, who, fond of absurdity as he was, could not

stand the fox and the grapes by way of something new.
"They're sour, said the fox."
"Yes," said Murphy, "a capital story."
"Oh, them fables is so good!" said Wiggins.
"All nonsense!" said the diminutive contradictor.
"Nonsense, nothing but nonsense; the ridiculous stuff of birds and
beasts speaking! As if any one could believe such stuff."
"I do--firmly--for one," said Murphy.
"You do?" said the little man.
"I do--and do you know why?"
"I cannot indeed conceive," said the little man, with a bitter grin.
"It is, sir, because I myself know a case that occurred in this very
country of a similar nature."
"Do you want to make me believe you knew a fox that spoke, sir?" said
the mannikin, almost rising into anger.
"Many, sir," said Murphy, "many."
"Well! after that!" said the little man.
"But the case I immediately allude to is not of a fox, but a cat," said
Murphy.
"A cat? Oh, yes--to be sure--a cat speak, indeed!" said the little
gentleman.
"It is a fact, sir," said Murphy; "and if the company would not object to
my relating the story, I will state the particulars."

The proposal was received with acclamation; and Murphy, in great
enjoyment of the little man's annoyance, cleared his throat, and made
all the preparatory demonstrations of a regular _raconteur_; but, before
he began, he recommended the gentlemen to mix fresh tumblers all
round that they might have nothing to do but listen and drink silently.
"For of all things in the world," said Murtough, "I hate a song or a story
to be interrupted by the rattle of spoons."
They obeyed; and while they are mixing their punch, we will just turn
over a fresh page, and devote a new
Chapter to
the following
MARVELLOUS LEGEND

CHAPTER XXIII
MURTOUGH MURPHY'S STORY; BEING YE MARVELLOUS
LEGEND OF TOM CONNOR'S CAT
"There was a man in these parts, sir, you must know, called Tom
Connor, and he had a cat that was equal to any dozen of rat-traps, and
he was proud of the baste, and with rayson; for she was worth her
weight in goold to him in saving his sacks of meal from the thievery of
the rats and mice; for Tom was an extensive dealer in corn, and
influenced the rise and fall of that article in the market, to the extent of
a full dozen of sacks at a time, which he either kept or sold, as the spirit
of free trade or monopoly came over him. Indeed, at one time, Tom had
serious thoughts of applying to the government for a military force to
protect his granary when there was a threatened famine in the county."
"Pooh! pooh! sir," said the matter-of-fact little man: "as if a dozen
sacks could be of the smallest consequence in a whole county--pooh!
pooh!"
"Well, sir," said Murphy, "I can't help if you don't believe; but it's truth

what I am telling you, and pray don't interrupt me, though you may not
believe; by the time the story's done you'll have heard more wonderful
things than that,--and besides, remember you're a stranger in these parts,
and have no notion of the extraordinary things, physical, metaphysical,
and magical, which constitute the idiosyncrasy of rural destiny."
The little man did not know the meaning of Murphy's last sentence--nor
Murphy either; but, having stopped the little man's throat with big
words, he proceeded--
"This cat, sir, you must know, was a