Handy Andy, Volume One | Page 8

for he is so over head and ears in debt, that he is looking out for a pension, and hopes to get one by giving his interest to the Honourable Sackville Scatterbrain, who sits for the Borough of Old Goosebery at present, but whose friends think his talents are worthy of a county. If Sack wins, Neck-or-nothing gets a pension--that's poz. I had it from the best authority. I lodge at a milliner's here:--no matter; more when I see you. But don't be afraid; we'll bag Sack, and distance Neck-or-nothing. But, seriously speaking, it's too good a joke that O'Grady should use you in this manner, who have been so kind to him in money matters: but, as the old song says, 'Poverty parts good company;' and he is so cursed poor that he can't afford to know you any longer, now that you have lent him all the money you had, and the pension in prospectu is too much for his feelings. I'll be down with you again as soon as I can, for I hate the diabolical town as I do poison. They have altered Stephen's Green--ruined it I should say. They have taken away the big ditch that was round it, where I used to hunt water-rats when a boy. They are destroying the place with their d----d improvements. All the dogs are well, I hope, and my favourite bitch. Remember me to Mrs. Egan, whom all admire.
"My dear squire, yours per quire,
"Murtough Murphy.
"To Edward Egan, Esq., Merryvale."
Murtough Murphy was a great character, as may be guessed from his letter. He was a country attorney of good practice; good, because he could not help it--for he was a clever, ready-witted fellow, up to all sorts of trap, and one in whose hands a cause was very safe; therefore he had plenty of clients without his seeking them. For if Murtough's practice had depended on his looking for it, he might have made broth of his own parchment; for though to all intents and purposes a good attorney, he was so full of fun and fond of amusement, that it was only by dint of the business being thrust upon him he was so extensive a practitioner. He loved a good bottle, a good hunt, a good joke, and a good song, as well as any fellow in Ireland: and even when he was obliged in the way of business to press a gentleman hard--to hunt his man to the death--he did it so good-humouredly that his very victim could not be angry with him. As for those he served, he was their prime favourite; there was nothing they could want to be done in the parchment line, that Murtough would not find out some way of doing; and he was so pleasant a fellow, that he shared in the hospitality of all the best tables in the county. He kept good horses, was on every race-ground within twenty miles, and a steeple-chase was no steeple-chase without him. Then he betted freely, and, what's more, won his bets very generally; but no one found fault with him for that, and he took your money with such a good grace, and mostly gave you a bon mot in exchange for it--so that, next to winning the money yourself, you were glad it was won by Murtough Murphy.
The squire read his letter two or three times, and made his comments as he proceeded. "'Working heaven and earth to'--ha!--so that's the work O'Grady's at--that's old friendship,--foul!--foul! and after all the money I lent him, too;--he'd better take care--I'll be down on him if he plays false;--not that I'd like that much either:--but--let's see who's this coming down to oppose me?--Sack Scatterbrain--the biggest fool from this to himself;--the fellow can't ride a bit,--a pretty member for a sporting county! 'I lodge at a milliner's'--divil doubt you, Murtough; I'll engage you do. Bad luck to him!--he'd rather be fooling away his time in a back parlour, behind a bonnet shop, than minding the interests of the county. 'Pension'--ha!--wants it sure enough;--take care, O'Grady, or, by the powers, I'll be at you. You may baulk all the bailiffs, and defy any other man to serve you with a writ; but, by jingo! if I take the matter in hand, I'll be bound I'll get it done. 'Stephen's Green--big ditch--where I used to hunt water-rats.' Divil sweep you, Murphy, you'd rather be hunting water-rats any day than minding your business. He's a clever fellow for all that. 'Favourite bitch--Mrs. Egan.'--Aye! there's the end of it--with his bit o' po'thry, too! The divil!"
The squire threw down the letter, and then his eye caught the other two that Andy had purloined.
"More of that stupid blackguard's work!--robbing the mail--no less!--that fellow will be hanged some time or other.