Handbook Of Couples Therapy | Page 7

of Graduate Psychology at Azusa Pacif ic Universit y. He is a diplo-
mate in family psychology, American Board of Professional Psychology, and
a licensed psychologist in the state of California. He is the editor of The Fam-
ily Psychologist and 2005 president of the Division of Family Psychology of the
American Psychological Association.
Angela E. Steep, PsyD, is a postdoctoral fellow in primary care at the Uni-
versit y of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center. She did her intern-
ship at the Medical College of Virginia, graduate work at Florida Instit ute
of Technology, and her undergraduate w ork at the Universit y of North
Carolina at Chapel Hill. Particular areas of interest include mind-body
medicine, medical/health psychology, primary care psychology, and motiva-
tional interviewing.
Robin Rose Temple, MA, MSW, CAC II, is a master teacher and trainer for
the PAIR S Foundation, where she has been teaching for eight years. She
holds post-master’s certif ication from the Gestalt Instit ute of Denver and
the Family Therapy Training Center of Colorado, which recently awarded
her the Alumnus of the Year Award for her work teaching PAIR S in the
Front Range of Colorado. She is also certif ied as a Colorado addictions
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xviii ABOUT THECONTRIBUTORS
counselor and contributing author to the book Bridging Intimate Relation-
ships. Ms. Temple has been working with fa milies for 25 years. She is a de-
voted mother of three, and she is passionate about healing relationships of
all sorts. It is in her own marriage that she has learned the most about being
part of a couple.
William H. Watson, PhD, is associate professor of psychiatry (psychology)
and neurology at the University of Rochester School of Medicine and
Dentistry/Strong Memorial Hospital. He is senior training facult y of the
Family Therapy Training Program and is the family psychology consultant
to the Strong Epilepsy Center. Areas of interest include spirit ualit y in psy-
chotherapy, family systems in the workplace, couples therapy, and a family
systems understanding of mind/body problems.
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1
CHAPTER 1
Setting the Stage for
Working with Couples
Michele Harway
I
N THE FAIRY TALE, the Prince and Cinderella fall in love, get married, and
live happily ever after. Our cult ure abounds with similar stories. In each
case, the story seems to end at the moment of commit ment and we are
seldom privy to the adjust ments that the couples must make in beginning a
life together. And yet, the adjust ment must be great or more couples would
succeed in celebrating their Golden Wedding Anniversary ( Kreider &
Fields, 2002, based on U.S. Census data, cite only 5% of married couples
reach at least their 50th anniversary). The same authors report 10% of mar-
ried couples divorcing within 5 years of marriage and 20% of married cou-
ples divorcing within 10 years of marriage. There are no parallel f igures for
same-gender couples or cohabiting couples. But clearly the track record is
not good.
Some professionals ( Nichols, Chapter 3) suggest that the f irst year of
marriage (or of living together) is act ually the most diff icult year of a rela-
tionship. This makes sense: Even when the couple has a similar cult ural
background, they have grown up in different families, whose daily living
habits may differ on the most mundane issue ( how to put the roll of toilet
paper on the holder) to the somewhat more important issues (who is re-
sponsible for what tasks in the home). These two individuals may have dif-
ferent expectations of a relationship and different values on a wide variet y
of subtle and not-so-subtle topics. The differences may multiply when, in
addition, the two come from different cult ural groups. Faced with the com-
plexities of ironing out those differences and the lack of support from the
cult ure at large, it is not surprising that many couples simply give up.
Some, however, seek out psychotherapy, often as a last-ditch effort.
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2SETTING THESTAGE FORWORKING WITHCOUPLES
This book focuses on couples therapy and the interventions that mental
health professionals implement in helping couples develop the tools to
make a successful dyad. Yet, many psychotherapists begin seeing couples without extensive
training in how to do couples work. The intention of this book is to f ill in
those gaps in mental health professionals’ repertoire. While much of this book focuses on heterosexual couples (often mar-
ried), many of the issues we consider affect same-gender couples, as well
as heterosexual cohabiting couples. Because there are issues with which
same-gender couples struggle that are unique to their relationships, we
have included a chapter that specifically addresses these couples. Recogniz-
ing that cultural issues are very powerful determinants of couple inter-
action, we have woven cultural issues into each chapter rather than having
a separate chapter on this topic.
We have considered work with couples from three perspectives: a develop-
mental one, a theoretical one, and a sit uational one. Section I of this book
looks at couples at different stages of the life cycle, since clearly different is-
sues affect them at each stage and