Going into Society | Page 5

most in the nater of his occupation was, that it kep him
out of Society. He was continiwally saying, "Toby, my ambition is, to
go into Society. The curse of my position towards the Public is, that it
keeps me hout of Society. This don't signify to a low beast of a Indian;
he an't formed for Society. This don't signify to a Spotted Baby; HE
an't formed for Society.--I am."
Nobody never could make out what Chops done with his money. He
had a good salary, down on the drum every Saturday as the day came
round, besides having the run of his teeth--and he was a Woodpecker to
eat--but all Dwarfs are. The sarser was a little income, bringing him in
so many halfpence that he'd carry 'em for a week together, tied up in a
pocket-handkercher. And yet he never had money. And it couldn't be
the Fat Lady from Norfolk, as was once supposed; because it stands to
reason that when you have a animosity towards a Indian, which makes
you grind your teeth at him to his face, and which can hardly hold you
from Goosing him audible when he's going through his War-Dance--it
stands to reason you wouldn't under them circumstances deprive
yourself, to support that Indian in the lap of luxury.
Most unexpected, the mystery come out one day at Egham Races. The

Public was shy of bein pulled in, and Chops was ringin his little bell
out of his drawing-room winder, and was snarlin to me over his
shoulder as he kneeled down with his legs out at the back-door--for he
couldn't be shoved into his house without kneeling down, and the
premises wouldn't accommodate his legs--was snarlin, "Here's a
precious Public for you; why the Devil don't they tumble up?" when a
man in the crowd holds up a carrier-pigeon, and cries out, "If there's
any person here as has got a ticket, the Lottery's just drawed, and the
number as has come up for the great prize is three, seven, forty-two!
Three, seven, forty-two!" I was givin the man to the Furies myself, for
calling off the Public's attention--for the Public will turn away, at any
time, to look at anything in preference to the thing showed 'em; and if
you doubt it, get 'em together for any indiwidual purpose on the face of
the earth, and send only two people in late, and see if the whole
company an't far more interested in takin particular notice of them two
than of you-- I say, I wasn't best pleased with the man for callin out,
and wasn't blessin him in my own mind, when I see Chops's little bell
fly out of winder at a old lady, and he gets up and kicks his box over,
exposin the whole secret, and he catches hold of the calves of my legs
and he says to me, "Carry me into the wan, Toby, and throw a pail of
water over me or I'm a dead man, for I've come into my property!"
Twelve thousand odd hundred pound, was Chops's winnins. He had
bought a half-ticket for the twenty-five thousand prize, and it had come
up. The first use he made of his property, was, to offer to fight the Wild
Indian for five hundred pound a side, him with a poisoned
darnin-needle and the Indian with a club; but the Indian being in want
of backers to that amount, it went no further.
Arter he had been mad for a week--in a state of mind, in short, in which,
if I had let him sit on the organ for only two minutes, I believe he
would have bust--but we kep the organ from him--Mr. Chops come
round, and behaved liberal and beautiful to all. He then sent for a young
man he knowed, as had a wery genteel appearance and was a Bonnet at
a gaming-booth (most respectable brought up, father havin been
imminent in the livery stable line but unfort'nate in a commercial crisis,
through paintin a old gray, ginger-bay, and sellin him with a Pedigree),

and Mr. Chops said to this Bonnet, who said his name was Normandy,
which it wasn't:
"Normandy, I'm a goin into Society. Will you go with me?"
Says Normandy: "Do I understand you, Mr. Chops, to hintimate that
the 'ole of the expenses of that move will be borne by yourself?"
"Correct," says Mr. Chops. "And you shall have a Princely allowance
too."
The Bonnet lifted Mr. Chops upon a chair, to shake hands with him,
and replied in poetry, with his eyes seemingly full of tears:
"My boat is on the shore, And my bark is on the sea, And I do not ask
for more, But I'll Go:- along with thee."
They went into Society,