Getting Together | Page 9

that might
be required. The offer was accepted to this extent, that the British took
over forty additional miles of trenches from the French, thus setting
free many divisions of French soldiers to participate in a glorious and
purely French victory.
But this sort of foolish calumny dies hard, together with such phrases
as:--"England is prepared to hold on, to the last Frenchman!" While not
strictly relevant to our present discussion, the following figures may be
of interest. In August 1914 the British Regular Army consisted of about
a hundred and fifty thousand men. To-day, British troops in France
number two million; in Salonica, a hundred and forty thousand; in
Egypt, a hundred and eighty thousand; in Mesopotamia, a hundred and
twenty thousand. The Navy absorbs another four hundred thousand,
while a full million are occupied in purely naval construction and repair.
And at home again enormous masses of new troops are undergoing
training. This seems to dispose of the suggestion that Great Britain is
winning the War by proxy.
And for the upkeep of this mighty host, and for this general comforting
of the Allies, the British taxpayer is now paying cheerfully and
willingly, in addition to such trifling impositions as a 60 per cent tax on
his commercial profits, income tax at the rate of twenty-five cents in
the dollar.
On the other side of the account, Life, the American equivalent of
Punch, (if it is possible for the humour of a particular nation to find its
equivalent in any other nation), published not long ago a special "John
Bull" number, which will for ever remain a monument of journalistic
generosity and international courtesy. Life's good deed was gracefully
acknowledged by Punch and The Spectator.
But in spite of Life's good example, enough has been said under this

head to illuminate the fact that a common language is a doubtful
blessing. The joint possession of the tongue that Shakespeare and
Milton and Longfellow and Abraham Lincoln spoke has bestowed little
upon our two nations but a convenient medium, too often, for shrewish
altercation, coupled with the profound conviction of either side that the
other side is unable to speak correct English.
Well, this nonsense must stop.
CHAPTER SIX
Therefore, whenever a true American and a true Briton get together, let
them hold an international symposium of their own. If it were not for
the unfortunate interposition of the Atlantic Ocean, this interview
would be extended, with proportional profit, to the greatest symposium
the world has ever seen. Meanwhile, we will make shift with a
company of two.
The following counsel is respectfully offered to the participants in the
debate.
Let the Briton remember:--
1. Remember you are talking to a friend.
2. Remember you are talking to a man who regards his nation as the
greatest nation in the world. He will probably tell you this.
3. Remember you are talking to a man whose country has made an
enormous contribution to your cause in men, material, and money,
besides putting up with a good deal of inconvenience and irksome
supervision at your hands. Remember, too, that your own country has
made little or no acknowledgement of its indebtedness in this matter.
4. Remember you are talking to a man who believes in "publicity," and
who believes further, that if you do not advertise the fact, you cannot
possibly be in possession of "the goods." So for any sake open up a
little, and tell him all you can about what the British Nation is doing

to-day for Humanity and Civilization--in other words, for America.
5. Remember this man is not so impervious to criticism as you are.
Don't over-criticize his apparent attitude to the War. Remember you are
talking to a man whose patience under such outrages as the sinking of
the Lusitania has been strained to the uttermost; so don't ask him
whether he is too proud to fight, or he may offer you convincing proof
to the contrary.
6. Remember you are talking to a man whose business has been
considerably interfered with by the stringency of the Allied blockade.
So don't invite him to wax enthusiastic over the vigilance of the British
Navy or the promptness of the Censor in putting the mails through.
7. And do try to disabuse the man's mind of the preposterous,
Germany-fostered notion that your country regards this war merely as a
vehicle for commercial aggrandizement, or that the British Foreign
Office proposes to maintain the Black List and other bugbears after the
War. It seems absurd that you should have to give such an assurance,
but doubts upon the subject certainly exist in certain quarters in
America to-day.
Let the American remember:
1. Remember you are talking to a friend.
2. Remember you are talking to a man who regards