Gentle Measures in the Management and Training of the Young | Page 7

to
all her commands. And the first step to be taken, or, rather, perhaps the
first essential condition required for the performance of this duty, is the
fixing of the conviction in her own mind that it is a duty.
Unfortunately, however, there are not only vast numbers of mothers
who do not in any degree perform this duty, but a large proportion of
them have not even a theoretical idea of the obligation of it.
An Objection.
"I wish my child to be governed by reason and reflection," says one. "I
wish him to see the necessity and propriety of what I require of him, so
that he may render a ready and willing compliance with my wishes,
instead of being obliged blindly to submit to arbitrary and despotic
power."
She forgets that the faculties of reason and reflection, and the power of
appreciating "the necessity and propriety of things," and of bringing
considerations of future, remote, and perhaps contingent good and evil
to restrain and subdue the impetuousness of appetites and passions
eager for present pleasure, are qualities that appear late, and are very
slowly developed, in the infantile mind; that no real reliance whatever
can be placed upon them in the early years of life; and that, moreover,
one of the chief and expressly intended objects of the establishment of
the parental relation is to provide, in the mature reason and reflection of
the father and mother, the means of guidance which the embryo reason
and reflection of the child could not afford during the period of his
immaturity.

The two great Elements of Parental Obligation.
Indeed, the chief end and aim of the parental relation, as designed by
the Author of nature, may be considered as comprised, it would seem,
in these two objects, namely: first, the support of the child by the
strength of his parents during the period necessary for the development
of his strength, and, secondly, his guidance and direction by their
reason during the development of his reason. The second of these
obligations is no less imperious than the first. To expect him to provide
the means of his support from the resources of his own embryo strength,
would imply no greater misapprehension on the part of his father and
mother than to look for the exercise of any really controlling influence
over his conduct by his embryo reason. The expectation in the two
cases would be equally vain. The only difference would be that, in the
failure which would inevitably result from the trial, it would be in the
one case the body that would suffer, and in the other the soul.
The Judgment more slowly developed than the Strength.
Indeed, the necessity that the conduct of the child should be controlled
by the reason of the parents is in one point of view greater, or at least
more protracted, than that his wants should be supplied by their power;
for the development of the thinking and reasoning powers is late and
slow in comparison with the advancement toward maturity of the
physical powers. It is considered that a boy attains, in this country, to a
sufficient degree of strength at the age of from seven to ten years to
earn his living; but his reason is not sufficiently mature to make it safe
to intrust him with the care of himself and of his affairs, in the
judgment of the law, till he is of more than twice that age. The parents
can actually thus sooner look to the strength of the child for his support
than they can to his reason for his guidance.
What Parents have to do in Respect to the Reasoning Powers of
Children.
To aid in the development and cultivation of the thinking and reasoning
powers is doubtless a very important part of a parent's duty. But to
cultivate these faculties is one thing, while to make any control which

may be procured for them over the mind of the child the basis of
government, is another. To explain the reasons of our commands is
excellent, if it is done in the right time and manner. The wrong time is
when the question of obedience is pending, and the wrong manner is
when they are offered as inducements to obey. We may offer reasons
for recommendations, when we leave the child to judge of their force,
and to act according to our recommendations or not, as his judgment
shall dictate. But reasons should never be given as inducements to obey
a command. The more completely the obedience to a command rests on
the principle of simple submission to authority, the easier and better it
will be both for parent and child.
Manner of exercising Authority.
Let no reader fall into the error of supposing that the mother's