Frosts Laws and By-Laws of American Society | Page 2

Church Etiquette For Places of
Amusemfent Servants Hotel Etiquette Wedding Etiquette Etiquette For
Baptisms Etiquette For Funerals Etiquette of the Studio Table Etiquette
Etiquette With Children Games With Cards Visiting Cards Letter
Writing The Lady's Toilet The Gentleman's Toilet Miscellaneous
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THE LAWS AND BY-LAWS OF AMERICAN SOCIETY.
ETIQUETTE AND ITS USES.
THERE are a great many people, in other respects perfectly estimable
(which makes the complaint against them the more grievous) who
maintain that the laws of nature are the only laws of binding force
among the units which compose society. They do not assert their
doctrine in so many words, but practically they avow it, and they are
not slow to express their contempt for the "ridiculous etiquette" which
is declared by their opponents to be essential to the well being of
society. These people are probably a law to themselves in such matters;
they obey in their rules of conduct those instincts of propriety and good
manners which were implanted in them at their birth, and cultivated
probably by their education, and therefore they have small need to
study especially how to conduct themselves in their intercourse with
society. In such cases, their opposition to a written code of manners is
rather an affair of theory than of practice, and it seems rather absurd
that they should so emphatically denounce the system which they
themselves, by example rather than precept, thoroughly carry out. They
would be probably as averse to committing any act of rudeness, or any
breach of politeness as the warmest admirer of the primitive life of the
Indian would be to living himself in a dirty tent, and eating his food,
half cooked, on a forked-stick over a camp fire. For such people this
little code of the "Laws and By-Laws of American Society" is not
written.
There are others who are equally fierce in their denunciations of the
ridiculous etiquette above mentioned, but who have not the same
natural excuse for being so. These are the rude, rough natures, whom
no amount of social rubbing, or intercourse with the most refined
would polish, though the professors of the art of good breeding
polished never so wisely. They act in their rules of conduct on a

principle wholly selfish, making their own ease and comfort the first, if
not indeed the sole aim, regardless entirely of the amount of
inconvenience or discomfort they may occasion to others. They are
obliged to cry down, for mere consistency's sake, the system which
condemns their own course of action, and which gives certain laws for
governing the conduct, and certain other laws prohibiting many of the
acts of rudeness which they find so agreeable, but which others may
reasonably object to as offensive. Such persons, too, will of course
freely express their opinion, yet their denunciations will probably
produce an exactly opposite effect to the one they intend, their own
conduct proving the pernicious influence of their theory. Their abuse
will be, not the expression, half in badinage, of minds protesting by
anticipation against the abuse of forms and ceremonies; but the
ignorant invective of coarse-minded people against a principle that
would tame them, and mould them into a more agreeable presence.
They exclaim loudly against what they personally dislike, however
beneficial it may be either to themselves or others. For them this little
book of the "Laws and By-Laws of American Society" is not written.
Besides the two classes already mentioned, there is another exceedingly
large class of society, which, far from being boorish by nature, yet from
circumstances lacks the cultivation which alone will bring the conduct
into such training as will fit it practically for exhibition in society. To
the persons comprising this class, it is not only a source of regret, but of
absolute pain, to be ignorant of the rules which make society cohere,
which mark out the functions and duties of the various members which
comprise it, and which guard alike against annoyances from the
impertinent, and intrusions by the ill-bred, promoting by organized
methods the formation of desirable acquaintanceship and pleasant
friendships, which otherwise might never take place. Isolation from
society, the want of proper instruction, the ill effect of bad example, the
advice of the prejudiced, the association with the low-bred, and a
hundred other causes, may conspire to prevent that intimacy with the
cardinal rules of good behavior, which decorum and good breeding
have dictated for the better guidance of the community. It is for such
persons, and for the many others who, though not unacquainted with
the principles which should guide them in their conduct, are yet often at
fault upon questions of detail, and sometimes commit errors, which are

the more excusable that absolute rules, deduced from precedent and
established by practice alone could set them right, that