Friendship | Page 6

selfishness in human
nature, which makes us think that possession brings happiness. But the
glory of life is to love, not to be loved; to give, not to get; to serve, not
to be served. It may not be our fault that we cannot respond to the offer
of friendship or love, but it is our misfortune. The secret is revealed to
the other, and hid from us. The gain is to the other, and the loss is to us.
The miracle is the love, and to the lover comes the wonder of it, and the
joy.

The Culture of Friendship
How were Friendship possible? In mutual devotedness to the Good and
True: otherwise impossible, except as Armed Neutrality, or hollow
Commercial League. A man, be the Heavens ever praised, is sufficient
for himself; yet were ten men, united in Love, capable of being and of
doing what ten thousand singly would fail in. Infinite is the help man
can yield to man.
CARLYLE, Sartor Resartus.

The Culture of Friendship
The Book of Proverbs might almost be called a treatise on Friendship,

so full is it of advice about the sort of person a young man should
consort with, and the sort of person he should avoid. It is full of shrewd,
and prudent, and wise, sometimes almost worldly-wise, counsel. It is
caustic in its satire about false friends, and about the way in which
friendships are broken. "The rich hath many friends," with an easily
understood implication concerning their quality. "Every man is a friend
to him that giveth gifts," is its sarcastic comment on the ordinary
motives of mean men. Its picture of the plausible, fickle, lip-praising,
and time-serving man, who blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising
early in the morning, is a delicate piece of satire. The fragile
connections among men, as easily broken as mended pottery, get
illustration in the mischief-maker who loves to divide men. "A
whisperer separateth chief friends." There is keen irony here over the
quality of ordinary friendship, as well as condemnation of the
tale-bearer and his sordid soul.
This cynical attitude is so common that we hardly expect such a shrewd
book to speak heartily of the possibilities of human friendship. Its
object rather is to put youth on its guard against the dangers and pitfalls
of social life. It gives sound commercial advice about avoiding
becoming surety for a friend. It warms [Transcriber's note: warns?]
against the tricks, and cheats, and bad faith, which swarmed in the
streets of a city then, as they do still. It laughs, a little bitterly, at the
thought that friendship can be as common as the eager, generous heart
of youth imagines. It almost sneers at the gullibility of men in this
whole matter. "He that maketh many friends doeth it to his own
destruction."
And yet there is no book, even in classical literature, which so exalts
the idea of friendship, and is so anxious to have it truly valued, and
carefully kept. The worldly-wise warnings are after all in the interests
of true friendship. To condemn hypocrisy is not, as is so often imagined,
to condemn religion. To spurn the spurious is not to reject the true. A
sneer at folly may be only a covert argument for wisdom. Satire is
negative truth. The unfortunate thing is that most men, who begin with
the prudential worldly-wise philosophy, end there. They never get past
the sneer. Not so this wise book. In spite of its insight into the

weakness of man, in spite of its frank denunciation of the common
masquerade of friendship, it speaks of the true kind in words of beauty
that have never been surpassed in all the many appraisements of this
subject. "A friend loveth at all times, and is a brother born for adversity.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Ointment and perfume rejoice the
heart, so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Thine
own friend and thy father's friend forsake not." These are not the words
of a cynic, who has lost faith in man.
True, this golden friendship is not a common thing to be picked up in
the street. It would not be worth much if it were. Like wisdom it must
be sought for as for hid treasures, and to keep it demands care and
thought. To think that every goose is a swan, that every new comrade is
the man of your own heart, is to have a very shallow heart. Every
casual acquaintance is not a hero. There are pearls of the heart, which
cannot be thrown to swine. Till we learn what a sacred thing a true
friendship is, it is futile to speak of the culture of friendship. The man
who wears his