Frank Fairlegh | Page 8

place possible and impossible, for that indispensable article of male attire, my trousers, had proved wholly ineffectual, although I had a distinct recollection of having placed them carefully on a chair by my bedside the previous night. There, however, they certainly were not now, nor, as far as I could discover, anywhere else in the room. Under these circumstances, ringing the bell for Thomas seemed advisable, as it occurred to me that he had probably abstracted the missing garment for the purpose of brushing. In a few moments he answered the summons, and, with a face bright from the combined effects of a light heart and a severe application of yellow soap, inquired, "if I had rung for my shaving water?"
"Why, no---I do not--that is, it was not--I seldom shave of a morning; for the fact is, I have no beard to shave as yet."
"Oh, sir, that's no reason; there's Mr. Coleman's not got the leastest westige of a hair upon his chin, and he's been mowing away with the greatest of persewerance for the last six months, and sends his rashier to be ground every three weeks, regilar, in order to get a beard--but what can I do for you, sir?"
"Why," replied I, trying to look grave, "it's very odd, but I have lost--that is, I can't find--my trousers anywhere. I put them on this chair last night, I know."
"Umph! that's sing'lar, too; I was just a coming upstairs to brush 'em for you; you did not hear anybody come into your room after you went to bed, did you, sir?"
"No; but then I was so tired--I slept as sound as a top."
"Ah! I shouldn't much wonder if Mr. Coleman knew something about 'em: perhaps you had better put on another pair, and, if I can find 'em, I'll bring 'em back after breakfast."
This was very good advice, and, therefore, of course, ~14~~impossible to follow; for, on examining my trunk, lo and behold! dress pantaloons, white ducks, et hoc genus omne, had totally disappeared, and I seemed to stand a very good chance of making my first appearance at my tutor's breakfast-table in an extemporary "kilt," improvised for the occasion out of two towels and a checked neckcloth. In this extremity Thomas, as a last resource, knocked at Coleman's door, informing him that I should be glad to speak to him--a proceeding speedily followed by the appearance of that gentleman in propria persona.
"Good-morning, Fairlegh! hope you slept well. You are looking cold; had not you better get some clothes on? Mildman will be down in a minute, and there will be a pretty row if we are not all there; he's precious particular, I can tell you."
"That is exactly what I want to do," replied I; "but the fact is, somebody has taken away all my trousers in the night."
"Bless me! you don't say so? Another case of pilfering! this is getting serious: I will call Lawless--I say, Lawless!" "Well, what's the row?" was the reply. "Have the French landed? or is the kitchen chimney on fire? eh! What do I behold! Fairlegh, lightly and elegantly attired in nothing but his shirt, and Thomas standing like Niobe, the picture of woe! Here's a sight for a father!"
"Why, it's a bad job," said Coleman; "do you know, here's another case of pilfering; Fairlegh has had all his trousers stolen in the night."
"You don't say so!" rejoined Lawless: "what is to be done? It must be stopped somehow: we had better tell him all we know about it. Thomas, leave the room."
Thomas obeyed, giving me a look of great intelligence, the meaning of which, however, I was totally at a loss to conceive, as he went; and Lawless continued:--
"I am afraid you will hardly believe us,--it is really a most unheard-of thing,--but we have lately missed a great many of our clothes, and we have every reason to suspect (I declare I can scarcely bear to mention it) that Mildman takes them himself, fancying, of course, that, placed by his position so entirely above suspicion, he may do it with impunity. We have suspected this for some time; and lately one or two circumstances--old clothesmen having been observed leaving his study, a pawn-ticket falling out of his waistcoat pocket one day as he went out of our parlour, etc.--have put the matter beyond a doubt; but he has never gone to such an extent as this before. Mind you don't mention a word of this to Thomas, for, bad as ~15~~Mildman is, one would not wish to show him up before his own servant."
"Good gracious!" cried I, "but you are joking, it never can be really true!" Reading, however, in the solemn, not to say distressed, expression of their faces indisputable evidence of the reality of the accusation, I continued: "I