Folk-Tales of Napoleon | Page 3

overcoat.
"If you so order," he says, "I'll distribute your calamities for you with
my own hands."
"Go ahead with your distribution," says the Lord God; "nobody shall
hinder you."
"Will you permit me," Satan says, "to bring about an invasion of
foreigners?"
The Lord God shook his finger at Satan and cried: "Is that all you can
think of? And you so wise!"
"Excuse me," Satan says. "Why doesn't my plan show wisdom?"
"Because," replies the Lord God, "you propose to afflict the people
with war, and war is just what they want. They're all the time fighting
among themselves, one people with another, and that's the very thing I

want to punish them for."
"Yes," says Satan, "they re greedy for war, but that's only because they
have never yet seen a real warrior. Send them a regular conqueror, and
they'll soon drop their tails between their legs and cry, 'Have mercy,
Lord! Save us from the man of blood!'"
The Lord God was surprised. "Why do you say, my little brother, that
the people have never seen a real warrior? The Tsar Herod was a
conqueror; the Tsar Alexander subdued a wonderful lot of people;
Ivan-Tsar destroyed Kazan; Mamai-Tsar the furious came with all his
hordes; and the Tsar Peter, and the great fighter Anika--how many
more conquerors do you want?"
"I want Napoleonder," says Satan.
"Napoleonder!" cries the Lord God. "Who's he? Where did he come
from?"
"He's a certain little man," Satan says, "who may not be wise enough to
hurt, but he's terribly fierce in his habits."
The Lord God says to the archangel Gabriel: "Look in the Book of Life,
Gabriel, and see if we've got Napoleonder written down."
The archangel looked and looked, but he couldn't look up any such
person.
"There isn't any kind of Napoleonder in the Book," he says. "Satan is a
liar. We haven't got Napoleonder written down anywhere."
Then Satan replies: "It isn't strange that you can't find Napoleonder in
the Book of Life, because you write in that Book only the names of
those who were born of human fathers and mothers, and who have
navels. Napoleonder never had a father or a mother, and, moreover, he
hasn't any navel--and that's so surprising that you might exhibit him for
money."
The Lord God was greatly astonished. "How did your Napoleonder
ever get into the world?" he says.
"In this way," Satan replies. "I made him, as a doll, just for amusement,
out of sand. At that very time, you, Lord, happened to be washing your
holy face; and, not being careful, you let a few drops of the water of life
splash over. They fell from heaven right exactly on Napoleonder's head,
and he immediately took breath and became a man. He is living now,
not very near nor very far away, on the island of Buan, in the middle of
the ocean-sea. There is a little less than a verst of land in the island, and

Napoleonder lives there and watches geese. Night and day he looks
after the geese, without eating, or drinking, or sleeping, or smoking;
and his only thought is--how to conquer the whole world."
The Lord God thought and thought, and then he ordered: "Bring him to
me."
Satan at once brought Napoleonder into the bright heaven. The Lord
God looked at him, and saw that he was a military man with shining
buttons.
"I have heard, Napoleonder," says the Lord God, "that you want to
conquer the whole world."
"Exactly so," replies Napoleonder; "that's what I want very much to
do."
"And have you thought," says the Lord God, "that when you go forth to
conquer you will crush many peoples and shed rivers of blood?"
"That's all the same to me," says Napoleonder; "the important thing for
me is--how can I subdue the whole world."
"And will you not feel pity for the killed, the wounded, the burned, the
ruined, and the dead?"
"Not in the least," says Napoleonder. "Why should I feel pity? I don't
like pity. So far as I can remember, I was never sorry for anybody or
anything in my life, and I never shall be."
Then the Lord God turns to the angels and says: "Messrs. Angels, this
seems to be the very fellow for our business." Then to Napoleonder he
says: "Satan was perfectly right. You are worthy to be the instrument of
my wrath, because a pitiless conqueror is worse than earthquake,
famine, or deluge. Go back to the earth, Napoleonder; I turn over to
you the whole world, and through you the whole world shall be
punished."
Napoleonder says: "Give me armies and luck, and I'll do my best."
Then the Lord God says: "Armies you shall have, and luck you shall
have;