Fletcher of Madeley | Page 7

brought to consider the value of "saving faith," and writes in his

diary:--
"Instead of going straight to Christ I have lost my time in fighting
against sin with the dim light of reason, and the use of the means of
grace. I fear my notions of Christ are only speculative, and do not reach
the heart. I never had faith, and without faith it is impossible to please
God. Then every thought, word, and work of mine have only been sin
and wickedness before God, though ever so specious before men. All
my righteousness is as filthy rags. I am a very devil, though of an
inferior sort, and if I am not renewed before I go hence, hell will be my
portion to all eternity....
"I begged of God to show me all the wickedness of my heart, and to fit
me for His mercy. I besought Him to increase my convictions, for I was
afraid I did not mourn enough for my sins. But I found relief in Mr.
Wesley's Journal, where I learned that we should not build on what we
feel, but that we should go to Christ with all our sins and all our
hardness of heart.
"On January 21st I began to write a confession of my sins, misery, and
helplessness, together with a resolution to seek Christ even unto death,
but, my business calling me away, I had no heart to go on with it. In the
evening I read the Scriptures, and found a sort of pleasure in seeing a
picture of my wickedness so exactly drawn in the third chapter of the
Epistle to the Romans, and that of my condition in the seventh; and
now I felt some hope that God would finish in me the work He had
begun."
It would have been strange if at this important crisis the devil had let
him alone. In many ways the enemy fought for his soul. Among other
hindrances he was beset with temptations to evil thoughts, and,
distressed beyond measure, he cried to God with a definite faith which
grew out of the very desperateness of his immediate need of help. Hope
grew within his cheerless soul, for, as he says:--
"Having withstood two or three temptations, and feeling peace in my
soul through the whole of them, I began to think it was the Lord's doing.
Afterwards it was suggested to me that it was great presumption for

such a sinner to hope for such a mercy. I prayed I might not be
permitted to fall into a delusion; but the more I prayed the more I saw it
was real, for though sin stirred all the day long, I always overcame it in
the name of the Lord.
"In the evening I read some of the experiences of God's children, and
found my case agreed with theirs, and suited the sermon I had heard on
Justifying Faith. I called on the Lord for perseverance and an increase
of faith, for still I felt some fear lest this should be all delusion. Having
continued my supplication till near one in the morning, I then opened
my Bible and fell on these words, 'Cast thy burden on the Lord, and He
shall sustain thee. He will never suffer the righteous to be moved.'
Filled with joy, I fell on my knees to beg of God that I might always
cast my burden upon Him. I took up my Bible again, and fell on these
words, 'I will be with thee; I will not fail thee, neither forsake thee; fear
not, neither be dismayed.' My hope was now greatly increased, and I
thought I saw myself conqueror over sin, hell, and all manner of
affliction.
"With this beautiful promise I shut my Bible, and as I shut it I cast my
eye on the words, 'Whatsoever ye shall ask in My name I will do it.' So,
having asked perseverance and grace to serve God till death, I went
cheerfully to take my rest."
CHAPTER VI.
GIVEN UP TO THE FIGHT

Not content, as many are, with consciousness of sins forgiven, Fletcher
at once began to plead that God would take fullest possession of his
heart, and grant to him a deeper experience of His love. While lying
upon his face in earnest prayer the Saviour strangely manifested
Himself to his eye of faith, and it was revealed to him that Jesus had
wondrously become his soul's inmost life, abiding in him to conquer
sin.

This completely changed his spiritual position. The blessed realisation
that in Christ he could triumph over sin and keep the world beneath his
feet, filled him with a glad sense of freedom. He resolved that nothing
should prevent him from experiencing this to the full: he gave