Fifteen Years with the Outcast | Page 3

my
conversion, through a vision, which occurred on the afternoon of
Sunday, Sept. 13, 1896.
For some time prior to this, with my husband, J. H. Roberts, a mining

man, also my son, an only child of fourteen, I had been living about
two and one-half miles from Angels, Calaveras County, California.
For lack of means to carry on the development work of the mine which
Mr. Roberts was at this time superintending, it closed. In order to
increase finances in our hour of need, I gave piano lessons. My health,
never in those days very robust, soon succumbed to the severe nervous
strain to which it was now continually subjected.
THE VISION.
On the never-to-be-forgotten date of my spiritual birth, whilst I was
enjoying a much-needed rest and reading a novel, everything in the
room seemed suddenly to be obliterated from my view; I became
oblivious of my surroundings and was apparently floating in an endless
vista of soft, beautiful, restful light.
I was quite conscious of rising to a sitting position, pressing my left
elbow into the pillow, and with the right hand rubbing both eyes in an
endeavor to see once more my natural surroundings. But no! Instead,
suspended in this endless light, appeared a wonderful colossal cross of
indescribable splendor. This wonderful cross can be likened only to a
gigantic opal. Its rays of light seemed to penetrate me through and
through as over my mind flashed the thought, "I must have died, and
this is my soul!"
For one brief moment I closed my eyes, then opened them, and now, in
addition to the vision of the cross, came an added one of such a
glorious Being that words are utterly inadequate to describe him. No
writer, be he ever so skilful, could give a satisfactory word-picture, and
no artist, be he ever so spiritual, could possibly depict the wonderful
majesty of our glorious, loving, royal Redeemer.
His left arm slowly raised. Presently his hand rested on the right arm of
the cross. Then the wonderful eyes looked into mine. _That one
compelling look drew me--forever--to him._ But that was not all. With
the right hand he beckoned, reaching downward toward me, and I saw
the sweet smiling lips move. Though no sound emanated from them,
yet I knew they framed the one word "Come!" whilst the hand slowly,
gracefully moved, pointing upward toward the cross. A ray of light
revealed a healed wound extending the entire length of the palm. Soon
this invitation was repeated, and so great became my desire to hide
(because of my unworthiness) beneath the cross that I must at this time

have slipped off the bed, for when once more conscious of my natural
surroundings I discovered myself kneeling on the floor.
Then for the first time in my life I saw myself as I believe God sees.
What a revelation of selfishness and carnality! What a realization of
utter unworthiness! My righteousness was indeed and in truth no better
than "filthy rags" (Isa. 64:6).
_Could God, would God, forgive?_
Mentally I decided that, had I been in his place, lavishing and
bestowing innumerable and untold blessings day after day upon one so
careless, so heedless of his wonderful love, I should find it very, very
difficult, nay, impossible.
Oh, how I now longed, now yearned, to be different, as I caught the
reflection of carnal nature in the spiritual looking-glass! With all my
soul I implored mercy and pardon.
Suddenly thick darkness, indescribably thick, seemed to submerge me.
I felt as though I were smothering. I tried to find my voice. Presently
consciousness returned, and the room appeared as natural as ever. I was
crying aloud, "Save me!" At the same time it seemed that something
weighty was rolling up like a scroll off either side of me. I felt free,
light as air, and from that moment began to experience the New Life,
the True Life. _Oh, I was happy! So happy!_
One, only one, desire now had possession--that I might forever remain
under this benign influence. Did ever the birds chirp so sweetly! Was
ever parched nature or dried-up grass more beautiful! Oh, why did I
have to come back to this world! But how selfish! Now came the
longing to share my joy with others; I was eager to do so. Would my
husband's visitor never go? Finally I heard him making his adieus.
Bathing my face and smoothing my hair, I went forth to impart the
glorious news to Mr. Roberts.
Well, he listened attentively, as with soul filled and thrilled with divine
love, I endeavored to describe my wonderful vision.
"What do you think of it, dear?" I asked.
"I think you were dreaming," he replied.
"Oh, but not so! I heard you talking to