Fatal Boots | Page 8

nice littel pair of dop-boots dat I tink will jost do for you." And he produced, sure enough, the most elegant things I ever saw. "Day were made," said he, "for de Honorable Mr. Stiffney, of de Gards, but were too small."
"Ah, indeed!" said I. "Stiffney is a relation of mine. And what, you scoundrel, will you have the impudence to ask for these things?" He replied, "Three pounds."
"Well," said I, "they are confoundedly dear; but, as you will have a long time to wait for your money, why, I shall have my revenge you see. The man looked alarmed, and began a speech: "Sare,--I cannot let dem go vidout"--but a bright thought struck me, and I interrupted--"Sir! don't sir me. Take off the boots, fellow, and, hark ye, when you speak to a nobleman, don't say--Sir."
"A hundert tousand pardons, my lort," says he: "if I had known you were a lort, I vood never have called you--Sir. Vat name shall I put down in my books?"
"Name?--oh! why, Lord Cornwallis, to be sure," said I, as I walked off in the boots.
"And vat shall I do vid my lort's shoes?"
"Keep them until I send for them," said I. And, giving him a patronizing bow, I walked out of the shop, as the German tied up my shoes in paper.
. . . . . .
This story I would not have told, but that my whole life turned upon these accursed boots. I walked back to school as proud as a peacock, and easily succeeded in satisfying the boys as to the manner in which I came by my new ornaments.
Well, one fatal Monday morning--the blackest of all black-Mondays that ever I knew--as we were all of us playing between school- hours, I saw a posse of boys round a stranger, who seemed to be looking out for one of us. A sudden trembling seized me--I knew it was Stiffelkind. What had brought him here? He talked loud, and seemed angry. So I rushed into the school-room, and burying my head between my hands, began reading for dear life.
"I vant Lort Cornvallis," said the horrid bootmaker. "His lortship belongs, I know, to dis honorable school, for I saw him vid de boys at chorch yesterday."
"Lord who?"
"Vy, Lort Cornvallis to be sure--a very fat yong nobeman, vid red hair: he squints a little, and svears dreadfully."
"There's no Lord Cornvallis here," said one; and there was a pause.
"Stop! I have it," says that odious Bunting. "IT MUST BE STUBBS!" And "Stubbs! Stubbs!" every one cried out, while I was so busy at my book as not to hear a word.
At last, two of the biggest chaps rushed into the schoolroom, and seizing each an arm, run me into the playground--bolt up against the shoemaker.
"Dis is my man. I beg your lortship's pardon," says he, "I have brought your lortship's shoes, vich you left. See, dey have been in dis parcel ever since you vent avay in my boots."
"Shoes, fellow!" says I. "I never saw your face before!" For I knew there was nothing for it but brazening it out. "Upon the honor of a gentleman!" said I, turning round to the boys. They hesitated; and if the trick had turned in my favor, fifty of them would have seized hold of Stiffelkind and drubbed him soundly.
"Stop!" says Bunting (hang him!) "Let's see the shoes. If they fit him, why then the cobbler's right." They did fit me; and not only that, but the name of STUBBS was written in them at full length.
"Vat!" said Stiffelkind. "Is he not a lort? So help me Himmel, I never did vonce tink of looking at de shoes, which have been lying ever since in dis piece of brown paper." And then, gathering anger as he went on, he thundered out so much of his abuse of me, in his German-English, that the boys roared with laughter. Swishtail came in in the midst of the disturbance, and asked what the noise meant.
"It's only Lord Cornwallis, sir," said the boys, "battling with his shoemaker about the price of a pair of top-boots."
"Oh, sir," said I, "it was only in fun that I called myself Lord Cornwallis."
"In fun!--Where are the boots? And you, sir, give me your bill." My beautiful boots were brought; and Stiffelkind produced his bill. "Lord Cornwallis to Samuel Stiffelkind, for a pair of boots--four guineas."
"You have been fool enough, sir," says the Doctor, looking very stern, "to let this boy impose on you as a lord; and knave enough to charge him double the value of the article you sold him. Take back the boots, sir! I won't pay a penny of your bill; nor can you get a penny. As for you, sir, you miserable swindler and cheat, I shall not flog you as I