Fanny and the Servant Problem | Page 7

But we didn't expect you -
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. And your wife, dear?
VERNON. She's here!
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Here?
Fanny, from behind the screen, laughs.
VERNON. We'll have some light. [He whispers to them.] Not a word--
haven't told her yet. [Feeling his way to the wall, he turns on the
electric light.]
Fanny is revealed, having slipped out from behind the screen. There is
a pause. Vernon, standing near the fire, watches admiringly.
FANNY. Hope you are going to like me.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. My dear, I am sure we shall.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. It is so easy to love the young and
pretty. [They have drawn close to her. They seem to hesitate.]
FANNY [laughs]. It doesn't come off, does it, Vernon, dear? [Vernon
laughs. The two ladies, laughing, kiss her.] I'm so glad you think I'm
pretty. As a matter of fact, I'm not. There's a certain charm about me, I
admit. It deceives people.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We were afraid--you know,
dear, boys-- [she looks at Vernon and smiles] sometimes fall in love
with women much older than themselves--especially women--[She
grows confused. She takes the girl's hand.] We are so relieved that
you--that you are yourself, dear,
FANNY. You were quite right, dear. They are sweet. Which is which?
VERNON [laughs]. Upon my word, I never can tell.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. Vernon! And you know I was
always your favourite!
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Dear!
VERNON. Then this is Aunt Alice.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. No dear, Edith.
[Vernon throws up his hands in despair. They all laugh.]
FANNY. I think I shall dress you differently; put you in blue and you
in pink. [She laughs.] Is this the drawing-room?
VERNON. Your room, dear.
FANNY. I like a room where one can stretch one's legs. [She walks

across it.] A little too much desk [referring to a massive brass- bound
desk, facing the three windows].
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. It belonged to the elder Pitt.
FANNY. Um! Suppose we must find a corner for it somewhere. That's
a good picture.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. It is by Hoppner.
FANNY. One of your artist friends?
VERNON. Well--you see, dear, that's a portrait of my great-
grandmother, painted from life.
FANNY [she whistles]. I am awfully ignorant on some topics. One
good thing, I always was a quick study. Not a bad-looking woman.
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. We are very proud of her. She was
the first -
VERNON [hastily]. We will have her history some other time.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL [who understands, signs to her
sister]. Of course. She's tired. We are forgetting everything. You will
have some tea, won't you, dear?
FANNY. No, thanks. We had tea in the train. [With the more or less
helpful assistance of Vernon she divests herself of her outdoor
garments.]
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL [she holds up her hands in
astonishment]. Tea in the train!
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. We were not expecting you so
soon. You said in your telegram -
VERNON. Oh, it was raining in London. We thought we would come
straight on--leave our shopping for another day.
FANNY. I believe you were glad it was raining. Saved you such a lot
of money. Old Stingy!
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. Then did you walk from the
station, dear?
FANNY. Didn't it seem a long way? [She laughs up into his face.] He
was so bored. [Vernon laughs.]
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I had better tell--[She is going
towards the bell.]
VERNON [he stops her]. Oh, let them alone. Plenty of time for all that
fuss. [He puts them both gently side by side on the settee.] Sit down
and talk. Haven't I been clever? [He puts his arm round Fanny,

laughing.] You thought I had made an ass of myself, didn't you? Did
you get all my letters?
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. I think so, dear.
FANNY [she is sitting in an easy-chair. Vernon seats himself on the
arm]. Do you know I've never had a love-letter from you?
VERNON. You gave me no time. She met me a month ago, and
married me last week.
FANNY. It was quick work. He came--he saw--I conquered! [Laughs.]
THE ELDER MISS WETHERELL. They say that love at first sight is
often the most lasting.
VERNON [he puts his arm around her]. You are sure you will never
regret having given up the stage? The excitement, the -
FANNY. The excitement! Do you know what an actress's life always
seemed to me like? Dancing on a tight-rope with everybody throwing
stones at you. One soon gets tired of that sort of excitement. Oh, I was
never in love with the stage. Had to do something for a living.
THE YOUNGER MISS WETHERELL. It must