Fables for the Frivolous | Page 4

And then descended
The nearest hole.
His cousin followed him, helter-skelter,?And, pausing beneath the pantry floor,?He glanced around at their dusty shelter?And muttered, "This is a beastly bore.?My place as an epicure resigning,
I'll try this dining
In town no more.
"You must dine some night at my rustic cottage;?I'll warn you now that it's simple fare:?A radish or two, a bowl of pottage,?And the wine that's known as ordinaire,?But for holes I haven't to make a bee-line,
No prowling feline
Molests me there.
"You smile at the lot of a mere commuter,?You think that my life is hard, mayhap,?But I'm sure than you I am far acuter:?I ain't afraid of no cat nor trap."?The city rat could but meekly stammer,
"Don't use such grammar,
My worthy chap."
He dined next night with his poor relation,?And caught dyspepsia, and lost his train,?He waited an hour in the lonely station,?And said some things that were quite profane.?"I'll never," he cried, in tones complaining,
"Try entertaining
That rat again."
It's easy to make a memorandum?About THE MORAL these verses teach:?De gustibus non est dispuiandum;?The meaning of which Etruscan speech?Is wheresoever you're hunger quelling
Pray keep your dwelling
In easy reach.
THE IMPECUNIOUS CRICKET
AND
THE FRUGAL ANT
There was an ant, a spinster ant,?Whose virtues were so many?That she became intolerant?Of those who hadn't any:?She had a small and frugal mind?And lived a life ascetic,?Nor was her temperament the kind?That's known as sympathetic.
I skip details. Suffice to say?That, knocking at her wicket,?There chanced to come one autumn day?A common garden cricket?So ragged, poor, and needy that,?Without elucidation,?One saw the symptoms of a bat?Of several months' duration.
He paused beside her door-step, and,?With one pathetic gesture,?He called attention with his hand?To both his shoes and vesture.?"I joined," said he, "an opera troupe.?They suddenly disbanded,?And left me on the hostel stoop,?Lugubriously stranded.
"I therefore lay aside my pride?And frankly ask for clothing."?"Begone!" the frugal ant replied.?"I look on you with loathing.?Your muddy shoes have spoiled the lawn,?Your hands have soiled the fence, too.?If you need money, go and pawn?Your watch--if you have sense to."
THE MORAL is: Albeit lots?Of people follow Dr. Watts,?The sluggard, when his means are scant,?Should seek an uncle, not an ant!
THE PAMPERED LAPDOG
AND
THE MISGUIDED ASS
A woolly little terrier pup?Gave vent to yelps distressing,?Whereat his mistress took him up?And soothed him with caressing,?And yet he was not in the least?What one would call a handsome beast.
He might have been a Javanese,?He might have been a Jap dog,?And also neither one of these,?But just a common lapdog,?The kind that people send, you know,?Done up in cotton, to the Show.
At all events, whate'er his race,?The pretty girl who owned him?Caressed his unattractive face?And petted and cologned him,?While, watching her with mournful eye,?A patient ass stood silent by.
"If thus," he mused, "the feminine?And fascinating gender?Is led to love, I, too, can win?Her protestations tender."?And then the poor, misguided chap?Sat down upon the lady's lap.
Then, as her head with terror swam,?"This method seems to suit you,"?Observed the ass, "so here I am."?Said she, "Get up, you brute you!"?And promptly screamed aloud for aid:?No ass was ever more dismayed.
[Illustration: "SAID SHE, 'GET UP, YOU BRUTE YOU!'"]
They took the ass into the yard?And there, with whip and truncheon,?They beat him, and they beat him hard,?From breakfast-time till luncheon.?He