Evergreens | Page 8

the front of the
house, driving away the postman, did not notice their arrival. He was
broken-hearted at finding them there when he got downstairs, and
evidently blamed himself most bitterly. Still, there they were, all owing
to his carelessness, and the only thing to be done now was to see that
they did not escape.
There were three plumbers (it always takes three plumbers to do a job;
the first man comes on ahead to tell you that the second man will be
there soon, the second man comes to say that he can't stop, and the third
man follows to ask if the first man has been there); and that faithful,
dumb animal kept them pinned up in the kitchen--fancy wanting to
keep plumbers in a house longer than is absolutely necessary!--for five
hours, until my uncle came home; and the bill ran: "Self and two men
engaged six hours, repairing boiler-tap, 18s.; material, 2d.; total 18s.
2d."
He took a dislike to the cook from the very first. We did not blame him
for this. She was a disagreeable old woman, and we did not think much
of her ourselves. But when it came to keeping her out of the kitchen, so
that she could not do her work, and my aunt and uncle had to cook the
dinner themselves, assisted by the housemaid--a willing-enough girl,
but necessarily inexperienced--we felt that the woman was being
subject to persecution.
My uncle, after this, decided that the dog's training must be no longer
neglected. The man next door but one always talked as if he knew a lot
about sporting matters, and to him my uncle went for advice as to how
to set about it.
"Oh, yes," said the man, cheerfully, "very simple thing, training a

bull-dog. Wants patience, that's all."
"Oh, that will be all right," said my uncle; "it can't want much more
than living in the same house with him before he's trained does. How
do you start?"
"Well, I'll tell you," said next-door-but-one. "You take him up into a
room where there's not much furniture, and you shut the door and bolt
it."
"I see," said my uncle.
"Then you place him on the floor in the middle of the room, and you go
down on your knees in front of him, and begin to irritate him."
"Oh!"
"Yes--and you go on irritating him until you have made him quite
savage."
"Which, from what I know of the dog, won't take long," observed my
uncle thoughtfully.
"So much the better. The moment he gets savage he will fly at you."
My uncle agreed that the idea seemed plausible.
"He will fly at your throat," continued the next-door-but-one man, "and
this is where you will have to be careful. As he springs toward you, and
before he gets hold of you, you must hit him a fair straight blow on his
nose, and knock him down."
"Yes, I see what you mean."
"Quite so--well, the moment you have knocked him down, he will jump
up and go for you again. You must knock him down again; and you
must keep on doing this, until the dog is thoroughly cowed and
exhausted. Once he is thoroughly cowed, the thing's done--dog's as
gentle as a lamb after that."
"Oh!" says my uncle, rising from his chair, "you think that a good way,
do you?"
"Certainly," replied the next-door-but-one man; "it never fails."
"Oh! I wasn't doubting it," said my uncle; "only it's just occurred to me
that as you understand the knack of these things, perhaps _you'd_ like
to come in and try your hand on the dog? We can give you a room quite
to yourselves; and I'll undertake that nobody comes near to interfere
with you. And if--if," continued my uncle, with that kindly
thoughtfulness which ever distinguished his treatment of others, "if, by
any chance, you should miss hitting the dog at the proper critical

moment, or, if you should get cowed and exhausted first, instead of the
dog--why, I shall only be too pleased to take the whole burden of the
funeral expenses on my own shoulders; and I hope you know me well
enough to feel sure that the arrangements will be tasteful, and, at the
same time, unostentatious!"
And out my uncle walked.
We next consulted the butcher, who agreed that the prize-ring method
was absurd, especially when recommended to a short-winded, elderly
family man, and who recommended, instead, plenty of out-door
exercise for the dog, under my uncle's strict supervision and control.
"Get a fairly long chain for him," said the butcher, "and take him out
for a good stiff run every evening. Never let him get away from you;
make him mind you, and bring him home always thoroughly exhausted.
You