Essays on the Stage | Page 9

make an Evidence. [Footnote: Collier,
p. 50.] Why now it 'twere possible for his Complexion to blush, there's
ne're a Robe of any Friend Cardinal the Absolver has at Rome, that can
be redder than his would be for such a Position: Nor does it end here,
but is mixt with some more foolish and insolent Remarks in another
place, upon the admirable Tragedy of Hamlet. And here he has no other
way to shew his malice, but by ridiculously quibbling upon the prettiest
Character in it, the innocent young Virgin Ophelia, who, because the
Poet makes her run mad for the death of her Father, and loss of her
Lover, and consequently makes her sing and speak some idle
extravagant things, as on such an occasion is natural, and at last drown
her self, he very masterly tells us, the Poet, _since he was resolv'd to
drown her like a Kitten, should have set her a swimming a little sooner;
to keep her alive, only to sully her Reputation, is very cruel_. [Footnote:
Collier, p. 10.] Yes, but I would fain ask Doctor Absolution in what she
has sullied her Reputation, I am sure five hundred Audiences that have
view'd her could never find it out, tho he has; but the Absolver can't
help being positive and partial to his own humour, tho he were to be
hang'd, as the Lady was drown'd, for he is very angry in another place
with the aforesaid Author, for making Sir Hugh Evens in the Merry
Wives of Windsor, a silly, eating, chattering Welch Priest, but
vindicates and speaks well, of Sir John, Parson of Wrotham, in the
History of Sir _John Oldcastle_; [Footnote: Collier, p. 125.] tho he
swears, games, wenches, pads, tilts and drinks, and does things which
our Reformers Guts are ready to come up at another time, only,
forsooth, because he is stout; but 'tis indeed only because he is a
Parson, and sullen, which he thinks wise, for he cannot endure that
Copyhold should be touch'd, as you may see more plainly a little
further, where he says in Loves Labour Lost, the Curate plays the fool
egregiously; and so does the Poet too: there he clenches the Nail, there
he gives Shakespear a bold stroke, there obstinacy and malice appear in
true colours: And yet if a parcel of the ones Plays, were set up by way
of Auction against t'others _Sermons and Essays_; nay, tho the Loyal
and Politick Desertion discussd was thrown in to boot, I know not what
the Grave would do, but I am sure the Wise would quickly find
difference. And yet to Remark him nicely, this humour of railing is

only where the Poets do not suit with his design; for in another place
you'll find this same Shakespear, that was before too guilty to make an
Evidence, a very civil person now; for the Reformer is troubl'd with
Fits, you must know, disturbances i th' brain, which makes him forget
one hour what he rails at another, for here now _Shakespear_'s Falstaff
is call'd the admir'd, because he is to serve his turn. And that the Poet
_was not so partial as to let his humour compound for his lewdness_;
but punishes him at last, tho he makes him all his life time a damnable,
smutty fellow. [Footnote: ...54] And now, I think, having said enough
of his modest behaviour, 'twon't be amiss to have a touch or two at his
Hypocrisy. And first, concerning the word Smutt.
"Smutt, Smutt"! Why does this tarmagant Correcter of our Lives and
Manners pretend to make us believe that his Mouth or Conscience is so
streight, that the t'other word can't get passage, or did his Mistress
(honourable I mean) sit knotting under his Nose when he was writing,
and so gave occasion for the changing it instead of Bawdy, that that
odious word might not offend her, tho the Phrase was made Nonsence
by it--hum--No faith, the case seems to me now to be quite otherwise,
and really the effect of downright Hypocrisy, unless done as I said for
the last reason; for those that have read his Book, may find sprinkling
up and down the other words extreamly plain upon occasion, Ribaldry
and Bawdy, and Whores, and Whoring, and Strumpets, and
Cuckoldmakers, with as fat a signification as any of the last nam'd
could wish for their hearts; for example, by way of Tract, first, he says,
Euripides in his Hipolitus, calls Whoring stupidness and playing the
fool; and secondly, does Ribaldry, (not Smut) and Nonsence become
the dignity of their station. [Footnote: Collier, p 30, 32.] Again,
Berinthia incourages Amanda to play the _Whore_; and then sowse
upon Don Quixot, [Footnote: p. 74.] when there is not so much as