Editorial Wild Oats | Page 2

and from this time forth when he wants to commune with his friends in
h--l, he must select some other medium than the columns of this
journal!"
The paper came out, and I never knew any little thing attract so much
attention as those playful trifles of mine.
For once the Hannibal Journal was in demand--a novelty it had not
experienced before. The whole town was stirred. Higgins dropped in
with a double-barrelled shot-gun early in the forenoon. When he found
that it was an infant (as he called me) that had done him the damage, he
simply pulled my ears and went away; but he threw up his situation that
night and left town for good. The tailor came with his goose and a pair
of shears; but he despised me, too, and departed for the South that night.
The two lampooned citizens came with threats of libel, and went away
incensed at my insignificance. The country editor pranced in with a
warwhoop next day, suffering for blood to drink; but he ended by
forgiving me cordially and inviting me down to the drug-store to wash
away all animosity in a friendly bumper of "Fahnestock's Vermifuge."
It was his little joke. My uncle was very angry when he got
back--unreasonably so, I thought, considering what an impetus I had
given the paper, and considering also that gratitude for his preservation
ought to have been uppermost in his mind, inasmuch as by his delay he
had so wonderfully escaped dissection, tomahawking, libel, and getting
his head shot off. But he softened when he looked at the accounts and
saw that I had actually booked the unparalleled number of thirty-three
new subscribers, and had the vegetables to show for it--cord-wood,
cabbage, beans, and unsalable turnips enough to run the family for two
years!

Journalism in Tennessee
The editor of the Memphis Avalanche swoops thus mildly down upon a
correspondent who posted him as a Radical: "While he was writing the
first word, the middle, dotting his i's, crossing his t's, and punching his

period, he knew he was concocting a sentence that was saturated with
infamy and reeking with falsehood."--Exchange.
I was told by the physician that a Southern climate would improve my
health, and so I went down to Tennessee and got a berth on the
Morning-Glory and Johnson County Warwhoop as associate editor.
When I went on duty I found the chief editor sitting tilted back in a
three-legged chair with his feet on a pine table. There was another pine
table in the room and another afflicted chair, and both were half buried
under newspapers and scraps and sheets of manuscript. There was a
wooden box of sand, sprinkled with cigar-stubs and "old soldiers," and
a stove with a door hanging by its upper hinge. The chief editor had a
long-tailed black cloth frock-coat on, and white linen pants. His boots
were small and neatly blacked. He wore a ruffled shirt, a large seal ring,
a standing collar of obsolete pattern, and a checkered neckerchief with
the ends hanging down. Date of costume about 1848. He was smoking
a cigar, and trying to think of a word, and in pawing his hair he had
rumpled his locks a good deal. He was scowling fearfully, and I judged
that he was concocting a particularly knotty editorial. He told me to
take the exchanges and skim through them and write up the "Spirit of
the Tennessee Press," condensing into the article all of their contents
that seemed of interest.
I wrote as follows:
"SPIRIT OF THE TENNESSEE PRESS
"The editors of the Semi-Weekly Earthquake evidently labor under a
misapprehension with regard to the Ballyhack railroad. It is not the
object of the company to leave Buzzardville off to one side. On the
contrary, they consider it one of the most important points along the
line, and consequently can have no desire to slight it. The gentlemen of
the Earthquake will, of course, take pleasure in making the correction.
"John W. Blossom, Esq., the able editor of the Higginsville
Thunderbolt and Battle-Cry of Freedom, arrived in the city yesterday.
He is stopping at the Van Buren House.

"We observe that our contemporary of the Mud Springs Morning Howl
has fallen into the error of supposing that the election of Van Werter is
not an established fact, but he will have discovered his mistake before
this reminder reaches him, no doubt. He was doubtless misled by
incomplete election returns.
"It is pleasant to note that the city of Blathersville is endeavoring to
contract with some New York gentlemen to pave its wellnigh
impassable streets with the Nicholson pavement. The Daily Hurrah
urges the measure with ability, and seems confident of ultimate
success."
I passed my manuscript over to the chief editor for acceptance,