Echoes of the War | Page 8

crazy with glee, when I got my leave, at the thought of seeing London at last, but after wandering its streets for four hours, I would almost have been glad to be back in the trenches.'
'If you knew,' he has said, but indeed the old lady knows.
'That's my quandorum too, Kenneth.'
He nods sympathetically.
'I'm sorry for you, you poor old body,' shouldering his kit. 'But I see no way out for either of us.'
A cooing voice says, 'Do you not?'
'Are you at it again!'
She knows that it must be now or never. She has left her biggest guns for the end. In her excitement she is rising up and down on her toes.
'Kenneth, I've heard that the thing a man on leave longs for more than anything else is a bed with sheets, and a bath.'
'You never heard anything truer.'
'Go into that pantry, Kenneth Dowey, and lift the dresser-top, and tell me what you see.'
He goes. There is an awful stillness. He returns, impressed.
'It's a kind of a bath!'
'You could do yourself there pretty, half at a time.'
'Me?'
'There's a woman through the wall that would be very willing to give me a shakedown till your leave is up.'
He snorts.
'Oh, is there!'
She has not got him yet, but there is still one more gun.
'Kenneth, look!'
With these simple words she lets down the bed. She says no more; an effect like this would be spoilt by language. Fortunately he is not made of stone. He thrills.
'My word! That's the dodge we need in the trenches.'
'That's your bed, Kenneth.'
'Mine?' He grins at her. 'You queer old divert. What can make you so keen to be burdened by a lump like me?'
'He! he! he! he!'
'I tell you, I'm the commonest kind of man.'
'I'm just the commonest kind of old wifie myself.'
'I've been a kick-about all my life, and I'm no great shakes at the war.'
'Yes, you are. How many Germans have you killed?'
'Just two for certain, and there was no glory in it. It was just because they wanted my shirt.'
'Your shirt?'
'Well, they said it was their shirt.'
'Have you took prisoners?'
'I once took half a dozen, but that was a poor affair too.'
'How could one man take half a dozen'?'
'Just in the usual way. I surrounded them.'
'Kenneth, you're just my ideal.'
'You're easily pleased.'
He turns again to the bed, 'Let's see how the thing works.' He kneads the mattress with his fist, and the result is so satisfactory that he puts down his kit.
'Old lady, if you really want me, I'll bide.'
'Oh! oh! oh! oh!'
Her joy is so demonstrative that he has to drop a word of warning.
'But, mind you, I don't accept you as a relation. For your personal glory, you can go on pretending to the neighbours; but the best I can say for you is that you're on your probation. I'm a cautious character, and we must see how you'll turn out.'
'Yes, Kenneth.'
'And now. I think, for that bath. My theatre begins at six-thirty. A cove I met on a 'bus is going with me.'
She is a little alarmed.
'You're sure you'll come back?'
'Yes, yes,' handsomely, 'I leave my kit in pledge.'
'You won't liquor up too freely, Kenneth?'
'You're the first,' chuckling, 'to care whether I do or not.' Nothing she has said has pleased the lonely man so much as this. 'I promise. Tod, I'm beginning to look forward to being wakened in the morning by hearing you cry, "Get up, you lazy swine." I've kind of envied men that had womenfolk with the right to say that.'
He is passing to the bathroom when a diverting notion strikes him.
'What is it, Kenneth?'
'The theatre. It would be showier if I took a lady.'
Mrs. Dowey feels a thumping at her breast.
'Kenneth, tell me this instant what you mean. Don't keep me on the jumps.'
He turns her round.
'No, It couldn't be done.'
'Was it me you were thinking of?'
'Just for the moment,' regretfully, 'but you have no style.'
She catches hold of him by the sleeve.
'Not in this, of course. But, oh, Kenneth, if you saw me in my merino! It's laced up the back in the very latest.'
'Hum,' doubtfully; 'but let's see it.'
It is produced from a drawer, to which the old lady runs with almost indecent haste. The connoisseur examines it critically.
'Looks none so bad. Have you a bit of chiffon for the neck? It's not bombs nor Kaisers nor Tipperary that men in the trenches think of, it's chiffon.'
'I swear I have, Kenneth, And I have a bangle, and a muff, and gloves.'
'Ay, ay.' He considers. 'Do you think you could give your face less of a homely look?'
'I'm sure I could.'
'Then you can have a try. But, mind you, I promise nothing. All will depend on the effect.'
He goes into the pantry, and the old lady is left alone. Not alone, for she is ringed