Dreaming of Dreaming | Page 2

his home
He never did learn to fight?only to run?But he wasn't fast enough that day,?he was getting a little old.
My cat came to me in a dream last night,?I told him I loved him and he told me the same,?for it was twenty years ago?that he was taken away?to the very day.
My Mum
I love my Mum,?I always do,?always have,?always will.
She's always joining dots,?but never quite?getting the picture.
So we're always?drawing those pictures,?Dad and me.
Framing them,?and hanging them?on the walls,?for Mum to see.
I love Mum!?Everybody does.?She's such a?loving, lovable, caring?and wonderful human being.?God, I love her.
White Space
Here I sit,?at my word pro,
the white space?staring me down,?but not out.
I experiment,?juxtaposing?pseudo-random words?into pretentious,?premeditated?poetry.
Then with an afflatus,?words flow,?whispered by my muse,?into lines and stanzas.
Life's A Beach
I am not you.?You are not me.?Me, myself and I will get alone just fine.?Fine for that is life.?Life in the suburbs is sedate.?Sedated in the psych. wards.?Wardrobe looks a little bare.?Bare all at the beach.
Merchant Banker
Merchant banker?willie wanker?likes to spank her?can't thank her
change the lock?adjust the clock?darn my sock?suck my cock
Mega, Giga, Tera
Down in those malls?those super malls?we've got mega stores?and we're making them bigger
1000 times more,?giga stores?NO!!!?make them bigger still?a million times better?more freebees?a million times bigger...?we'll call them TERASTORES.
$1,000,000,000,000
A million to hate
how many men could I find to hate ????how many have betrayed me ????10, 100, 1000?or a million times more
It's just how you look at it;?'cos if you don't have the time?or the energy to hate?then you will find true peace?if only you look inside.
To have lived our fantasies
I found you?you found me?we corresponded?we fantasized
I gave without questioning?you promised it all?but you delivered nothing
had you really promised without thinking ????or did your feet turn cold ???
And the Expletives Remained
The lines flowed,?the poem wrote itself?and the expletives remained
Fuck the Poetry Police!?Fuck you all, very much.
Spinning Out
The last time I was?" hearing voices" again?was only a couple of days ago.?I was sick in bed?with a viral infection.?I was trying to sleep?but voices kept saying?" Think what you know is true."
But then I would think,?" Well what do I know is the truth ?"
Then I'd think of something?and say, well that's true,?and quick as a flash?another voice would say?" Is that really what you believe ??Is that what is true ??Isn't that bullshit ?"
And then I'd have to think of?something else to believe in.
And this was not a relaxed process.?No way!?It was manic.
It seemed to happen?a 1000 times a minute,?and it just wouldn't stop.
At least, it went on?for an hour or so,?and it seemed like an eternity.
Just another day?in the life of?"a person with schizophrenia."
Walls & Sledge Hammers
Where do I start ??At the beginning of course,?but where is that exactly ??I am?(to state it in?politically incorrectly language)?a schizophrenic.
And I have been living?with that label?for the past 15-odd years now.
I live by myself,?have a few close friends...
But I count myself as?one of the lucky ones?because throughout all of times?in and out of?psych. wards of hospitals,
I kept the same job,?with a large?government organization,
and they've been very?supportive towards me.
Today, at work,?in my lucky full time job?as a government nobody,?I get largely left alone and?to my own devices.
For better or for worse,?but always with an occasional?supervisory peer?over my shoulder?to keep me in line.
"Oh yes, ,?your job is safe,?we do value your work,?just keep going?at your own pace.
We're not too sure?where or?how exactly you fit in,
but we like?having you around,?and, hey,?somebody has to?do the odd jobs,?and we think you're?just the man."
***
Alas,?I am not lucky enough?to have a job that I'm in love with.
My career is not my life.
Sometimes I think that?I'm just a tiny cog?in a ridiculously enormous machine -?but there are also moments?when keeping that cog turning?seems to make a (slight) difference.
I have good days?and other days.
Sometimes the other days get ugly.
But, I always try to do?the right things at work,?for recognition perhaps,?or perhaps simply?to prove that I am really?not incompetent at my job.
I can do it well,?and I do it the best?of my capabilities.
And if that means that?I hit brick walls then?so be it -
I just have to get help?when I hit one.?I have learnt?through bitter experience,?that when I hit a wall,?they will almost always out-stare me.
So that's when I get a ladder,?or maybe a sledge hammer.
Knots
(Dedicated to Mistress Alexis)
I am naked,?assume the position.?I know it well.
She grabs her rope.?Around it goes.?Through my arms?and around again,
knotted then back.?" Keep still, please."
and through again,?and back around,?again and again,?and tied off in?a love knot.
She double-checks?the bondage.?Finally she is satisfied?with my helplessness.
Then she leaves me alone.?I struggle a little.?It is hopeless.?I am helpless,?totally!
I move around a little,?trying to become comfortable.
The ropes bite in.?Time passes,?Hands become numb.?The clock ticks on.?I lose track of time,
it goes so slowly,?how much longer will?she make me wait ?
More time passes.?Eventually she comes back.?Soon I will have freedom,?but not before we?have played some more.
Oh, the agony.?Oh, the ecstasy.?I truly love it.
I