Diary Written in the Provincial Lunatic Asylum | Page 4

act," but she
pays no heed; perhaps her morning work makes her feel cross.
I come back to my own room and write again; what shall I do? I
cannot--how can I stay here any longer! and I cannot get away, locked
in as prisoners in our rooms at night, fed like paupers. If I were
committed to the penitentiary for a crime, I would not be used any
worse than I am here. My heart longs for sympathy, and has it not. I
have tried to soften Mrs. Mills' heart, and win her sympathy, but I
cannot, and I cannot withhold my pity for those poor invalids who fare
even worse than I.
March 13.--I must write this while fresh in my mind, for fear I may
forget. There is a Miss Short here--a fair-haired, nice-looking girl; she
stands up and reads in the Testament as if she were in Sunday-school,
recites poetry, and tries to play on the piano. I did not think her much
out of order when she came, but she is now. She has grown steadily
worse. Her father came to see her, and she cried to go home with him. I
wished very much to tell him to take her home, but Mrs. Mills did not
leave them, and I dared not speak to him. She has grown so much
worse, she tears her dress off, so they have to put leather hand-cuffs on
her wrists so tight they make her hands swell. I say, "Oh, Mrs. Mills,
don't you see they are too tight, her hands look ready to burst--purple
with blood." She paid no heed: "It does not hurt her any." Yesterday
she tied a canvas belt round her waist so tight that it made my heart
ache to look at it. I am sure it would have stopped my breath in a short
time; they tied her to the back of the seat with the ends of it.
March 17.--Another poor victim has come to our ward today--a

black-eyed, delicate-looking girl. She looked so sad, I was drawn to her
at once. I sat beside her in Mrs. Mills' absence, and enquired the cause
of her trouble; she said her food gave her pain--she is dyspeptic. If the
Doctor would question the patients and their friends as to the cause of
their insanity, they might, as in other cases of illness, know what
remedy to apply. This dear child has been living at Dr. Wm. Bayards'
three years--chambermaid--that is enough to assure me she is a good
girl. I think she wears her dress too tight. I unloosened her laces and
underskirts to make them easy; they are all neat and tidy, as if she had
come from a good home.
Another day is here. That poor girl is in great trouble yet. When I went
out into the hall this morning, she was kneeling by the door; she laid
her cheek on the bare floor, praying for her sins to be forgiven,
murmuring something of those who had gone before. I cannot think she
has sinned; poor child! she has lost her health in some way; she has
transgressed some law of nature. I think it has been tight lacing that
caused some of the trouble, for she sat up on the floor when I invited
her to stand up for fear some one would open the door and walk over
her, and rubbed the calf of her leg, saying it was all numb. Anything
too tight causes pain and distress by interrupting the free circulation of
the blood. She is so pitiful and sad! How could Mrs. Mills speak so
unkindly to her, pushing her with her foot to make her rise up? She
treats them like wicked school-boys who have done something to
torment her and merit punishment. I cannot but pity Mrs. Mills, for this
is an uncomfortable position to fill, and if she has always obeyed her
Superintendent, she has done her duty, and deserves a retired allowance.
The younger nurses are all learning from her, and will grow
hard-hearted, for they think she is one to teach them; they come to her
for help in case of emergency, and they go all together, and are able to
conquer by main strength what might in most cases be done by a gentle
word. "A soft answer turneth away wrath;" I have known this all my
life, but I never felt it so forcibly as now.
There is a lady here from Westmoreland; her hair is cut short, and her
eyes are black and wild. The first time I spoke to her she struck me,
lightly, and I walked away; I knew she was crazy. After I had met her a

few times and found she was not dangerous,