De Turkey and De Law | Page 4

Aw, neb mind bout them, Joe, go head and move. You aint got but one move to make nohow--go head on and take it.
CLARKE (moving a checker) Aw, here.
HAMBO (triumphant) Now! watch me boys whut Ahm gonna do to him. Ahm gonna laff in notes, while Ah work on him. (he lifts a checker high in the air preparatory to the jump, laughing to the scale and counting each checker he jumps out loud) Do, sol, fa, me, la! One! (jumps a checker) la, sol, fa, me, do! Two! (jumps another) Do, re, fa, me, do, Three! Me, re, la, so, fa! Four! (the crowd is roaring with laughter) Sol, fa, me, la, sol, do! Five! Ha! Ha! boys I got [Note: "the" x-ed out] de ole tush hawg! I got him in de go-long. (He slaps his leg and accidently knocks the board off his knee and spills the checkers.)
CLARKE Too bad you done dat, Hambo, cause Ah was gointer beat you at dat (he rises and starts towards the door of the store as the crowd roars in laughter)
HAMBO You mean you was gointer beat me to de door, not a game Of checkers. Ah done run de ole coon in his hole.
LIGE Well, Hambo, you done got to be so hard at checkers, come on less see whut you can do wid de cards. (He pulls out a soiled deck from his coat pocket and moves toward the bench at the left of the porch) You take Lum and me and Walter will wear you out.
HAMBO You know I don't play no cards.
LUM We aint playin for no money, just a lil Florida flip.
HAMBO Y'all can't play no Florida flip. 'Fore Ah joined de church there wasn't a man in de state could beat me wid de cards. But Ahm a deacon now, in Macedonia Baptist--Ah don't bother wid de cards no mo". (He and Joe Lindsay go inside store)
LIGE Well, come on Lum. Walter, git yo'self a partner.
WALTER (Looking about) Taint nobody to git (looks off right) Here come Dave Carter.
LIGE You can't do nothin wid him dese days. He useter choose a game of cards when he wasn't out huntin, but now when he ain't out huntin varmints he's huntin' Daisy Blunt. (Enter Dave right with a shot-gun slung over his shoulder.)
WALTER Come on, fish, lemme bend a five-up over yo' head. You looks just like my meat.
DAVE Ahm on mah way to kill me a turkey gobbler, but if you and Lum thinks y'all's tush hawgs Ah'll stop long enough to take you down a button-hole lower. (He sets his gun down and finds a seat and draws it up to the card table)
WALTER Naw, Dave, we aint going to fool wid no button-holes we gointer tear off de whole piece dat de button-holes is in. (They all get set) All right boys, turn it on and let de bad luck happen.
LIGE (Probbing the deck) My deal.
WALTER Watch yo'self Dave, don't get to worryin bout Daisy and let 'em ketch yo' jack.
LUM (Winking) What you reckon he gointer be worryin' bout Daisy for? Dot's Jim's gal.
DAVE Air Lawd, a heap sees but a few knows. Deal de cards man--you shufflin' a mighty lot.
WALTER Sho is--must be tryin' to carry de cut to us.
LIGE Aw, we ain't gonna cheat you, we gonna beat you. (He slams down the cards for Dave to cut) Wanna cut 'em?
DAVE Nope. Taint no use cuttin' a rabbit out when you kin twist him out. Deal 'em! (Lige deals and turns up Jack of spades.)
WALTER Yee-ee! Did you snatch dat Jack?
LIGE Man, you know I ain't snatched no Jack. Whut you doin'?
WALTER I'm beggin!
LIGE Go ahead and tell 'em I sent you.
WALTER Play just like ahm in New York, partner. (scratches his head) We oughter try to ketch dat Jack.
LIGE Stick out yo' hand an' you'll draw back a nub.
WALTER Whut you want me to play for you, partner?
DAVE Play me a baby diamond. (Walter plays, then Lum, then Dave)
LUM (Triumphant) Looka pardner, they doin all dat woofin on uh queen--sendin' women to do uh man's work. Watch me stomp her wid mah king (He slams his card down and collects the trick.) Now come un under dis ace! (They all play and he collects the trick.) Now whut you want me to play for you, pardner?
LIGE How many times you seen de deck.
LUM Twice
LIGE Pull off wid yo' king.
(Lum plays the king of spades. All the others play.) Look at ole low pardner. Ah knowed ah wuz gointer ketch him! Come right back at 'em.
LUM (stands up and slams down the ace) Pack up, pardner. Ahm playin' mah knots, now all play now. Ho! Ho! Dere goes de queen'. De Jack's a gentleman! (Lige takes the Jack and sticks