Day of the Moron | Page 6

STEWARD.
"Wanta use the phone," he said. "Union business."
Melroy gestured toward a telephone on the desk beside him. The newcomer shook his
head, twisting his mouth into a smirk.
"Not that one; the one with the whisper mouthpiece," he said. "This is private union
business."

* * * * *
Melroy shrugged and indicated another phone. The man with the union steward's badge
picked it up, dialed, and held a lengthy conversation into it, turning his head away in case
Melroy might happen to be a lip reader. Finally he turned.
"Mr. Crandall wants to talk to you," he said, grinning triumphantly, the phone extended
to Melroy.
The engineer picked up another phone, snapping a button on the base of it.
"Melroy here," he said.
Something on the line started going bee-beep-beep softly.
"Crandall, executive secretary, I.F.A.W.," the man on the other end of the line identified
himself. "Is there a recorder going on this line?"
"Naturally," Melroy replied. "I record all business conversations; office routine."
"Mr. Melroy, I've been informed that you propose forcing our members in your employ
to submit to some kind of a mental test. Is that correct?"
"Not exactly. I'm not able to force anybody to submit to anything against his will. If
anybody objects to taking these tests, he can say so, and I'll have his time made out and
pay him off."
"That's the same thing. A threat of dismissal is coercion, and if these men want to keep
their jobs they'll have to take this test."
"Well, that's stated more or less correctly," Melroy conceded. "Let's just put it that
taking--and passing--this test is a condition of employment. My contract with your union
recognizes my right to establish standards of intelligence; that's implied by my
recognized right to dismiss any person of 'unsound mind, deficient mentality or emotional
instability.' Psychological testing is the only means of determining whether or not a
person is classifiable in those terms."
"Then, in case the test purports to show that one of these men is, let's say, mentally
deficient, you intend dismissing him?"
"With the customary two weeks' severance-pay, yes."
"Well, if you do dismiss anybody on those grounds, the union will have to insist on
reviewing the grounds for dismissal."
"My contract with your union says nothing whatever about any right of review being
reserved by the union in such cases. Only in cases of disciplinary dismissal, which this is
not. I take the position that certain minimum standards of intelligence and mental stability

are essentials in this sort of work, just as, say, certain minimum standards of literacy are
essential in clerical work."
"Then you're going to make these men take these tests, whatever they are?"
"If they want to work for me, yes. And anybody who fails to pass them will be dropped
from my payroll."
"And who's going to decide whether or not these men have successfully passed these
tests?" Crandall asked. "You?"
"Good Lord, no! I'm an electronics engineer, not a psychologist. The tests are being given,
and will be evaluated, by a graduate psychologist, Dr. D. Warren Rives, who has a
diploma from the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology and is a member of the
American Psychological Association. Dr. Rives will be the final arbiter on who is or is
not disqualified by these tests."
"Well, our man Koffler says you have some girl there to give the tests," Crandall accused.
"I suppose he means Dr. Rives," Melroy replied. "I can assure you, she is an extremely
competent psychologist, however. She came to me most highly recommended by Dr.
Karl von Heydenreich, who is not inclined to be careless with his recommendations."
"Well, Mr. Melroy, we don't want any more trouble with you than we have to have,"
Crandall told him, "but we will insist on reviewing any dismissals which occur as a result
of these tests."
"You can do that. I'd advise, first, that you read over the contract you signed with me. Get
a qualified lawyer to tell you what we've agreed to and what we haven't. Was there
anything else you wanted to talk about?... No?... Then good morning, Mr. Crandall."
He hung up. "All right; let's get on with it," he said. "Ben, you get them into the lunch
room; there are enough tables and benches in there for everybody to take the written test
in two relays."
"The union's gotta be represented while these tests is going on," the union steward
announced. "Mr. Crandall says I'm to stay here an' watch what you do to these guys."
"This man working for us?" Melroy asked Puryear.
"Yes. Koffler, Julius. Electrical fitter; Joe Ricci's gang."
"All right. See to it that he gets placed in the first relay for the written test, and gets first
turn for