Correspondence of Wagner and Liszt, vol 2 | Page 8

my self
frequently surprised at considering so many "useless" things
indispensable. To YOU alone can I explain how painfully I am placed,
and how necessary immediate help is to me. This is the first and most
indispensable thing to preserve me for my whole future. Owing to my
extreme sensitiveness in this matter, I shall otherwise be
compelled--because for such a frivolous reason I do not want to take
my own life--to start at once and fly to America.
I am in a pitiful condition, and I know that to such a friend as you pity
comes from love. Give me up if you can; that will settle all. With my
terrible care my violent nervous disorder has also returned. During my
work I frequently felt quite well; the thunder-clouds seemed to have
cleared away. I often felt beautifully elevated, gently supported;
generally I was silent, but it was from inner joy; even hope wound itself
softly round my heart; the children of fable came to the weeping elf,
saying, "Weep not; thou too mayst still be happy." But the word
resounded from farther and farther distance, till at last I could hear it no
longer. Silence! now the old night holds me again; let it devour me
altogether!
Pardon me. I CANNOT help it.
Farewell, my Franz; farewell; farewell.
Your
R. W.

146.
Dear Friend,
You were going to send me your "Kunstler." Why does it not arrive?
How about the "Faust" symphony? I am writing the "Rhinegold" at
once in full score. I did not see my way to jotting down clearly the
introduction (the depth of the Rhine) as a sketch; so I hit upon the full
score. This is a slower way of proceeding, and my head is still a little
confused.
The Princess has done well; greet her and thank her warmly from me.
Who knows how it will turn out? I do not care to know.
This is a sign of life to which you must respond sympathetically.
Your
R. W.
Zurich, February 7th, 1854

147.
Dearest Richard,
It is a sad fate that we have to live apart from each other. I can tell you
nothing but that I think of you constantly and love you from my heart
of hearts.
Latterly my time has been painfully occupied by all manner of business,
visits, work, etc. I have written to nobody, as you may well imagine,
because you did not receive a letter from me.
Together with this I send you the score of my "Kunstler" chorus, and
between this and the autumn I intend to publish half-a-dozen orchestral

pieces, also in full score. By October the "Faust" symphony will be
finished, which also will be published soon afterwards.
Let us leave these trifles alone and speak of your "Rhinegold." Have
you really finished it? That has been wonderfully quick work indeed.
You know how delighted I should be if you would let me see the score.
Send it to me as soon as you can do without it.
In the meantime I have not neglected your pecuniary affairs, and hope
that my intentions will not be frustrated. CANDIDLY answer me two
questions:--
1. Have you pressing debts, and what sum do you absolutely require to
meet them?
2. Can you manage to live this year on your present income?
There is a probability that Berlin may come off next autumn, and in
that case I shall let you know the little result of my effort in good time.
For the present DO NOT SPEAK ABOUT IT. Dorn was here, and
conducted the second performance of his "Nibelungen." The work is to
be given at Berlin in six weeks.
Brendel wrote several things to me about the "Lohengrin" affair in
Leipzig. In my opinion, nothing further can be done for the moment,
and you have every reason to be calm and SATISFIED. Lohengrin's
barque is drawn by a swan; the cackling of geese and the barking of
dogs are of no avail.
Berlioz is coming to Hanover at the end of March, and goes from there
to Dresden, where he will conduct a few concerts at the theatre. Fischer
wrote to me recently about an intended performance of "Cellini" at
Dresden. This is as yet a secret, which I, for my part, should like to see
made public very soon. The opera is Berlioz's freshest and roundest
work, and its failure in Paris and London must be attributed to low
villainy and misapprehension. It would be a fine thing if Dresden were
to offer him a brilliant REVANCHE, such as he deserves.

Brendel will publish his book within a few days. When you have read it,
tell me your candid opinion. Raff also has finished a stout volume on
the "Wagner Question" (!). He refuses