Convent Affairs | Page 9

to the noblest of women, whom in my unreasonable spite I had
judged so wrongly.
"I plead guilty, madam; I cannot possibly justify myself, and I am
perfectly convinced of your innocence. I should be disconsolate if I did
not hope to obtain pardon, and you will not refuse to forgive me if you
are kind enough to recollect the cause of my guilt. I saw you; I was
dazzled, and I could not realize a happiness which seemed to me a
dream; I thought myself the prey of one of those delightful illusions
which vanish when we wake up. The doubt under which I was
labouring could not be cleared up for twenty-four hours, and how could
I express my feverish impatience as I was longing for that happy
moment! It came at last! and my heart, throbbing with desire and hope,
was flying towards you while I was in the parlour counting the minutes!
Yet an hour passed almost rapidly, and not unnaturally, considering my
impatience and the deep impression I felt at the idea of seeing you. But

then, precisely at the very moment when I believed myself certain that I
was going to gaze upon the beloved features which had been in one
interview indelibly engraved upon my heart, I saw the most
disagreeable face appear, and a creature announced that you were
engaged for the whole day, and without giving me time to utter one
word she disappeared! You may imagine my astonishment and... the
rest. The lightning would not have produced upon me a more rapid, a
more terrible effect! If you had sent me a line by that sister--a line from
your hand--I would have gone away, if not pleased, at least submissive
and resigned.
"But that was a fourth fatality which you have forgotten to add to your
delightful and witty justification. Thinking myself scoffed at, my
self-love rebelled, and indignation for the moment silenced love.
Shame overwhelmed me! I thought that everybody could read on my
face all the horror in my heart, and I saw in you, under the outward
appearance of an angel, nothing but a fearful daughter of the Prince of
Darkness. My mind was thoroughly upset, and at the end of eleven
days I lost the small portion of good sense that was left in me--at least I
must suppose so, as it is then that I wrote to you the letter of which you
have so good a right to complain, and which at that time seemed to me
a masterpiece of moderation.
"But I hope it is all over now, and this very day at eleven o'clock you
will see me at your feet--tender, submissive and repentant. You will
forgive me, divine woman, or I will myself avenge you for the insult I
have hurled at you. The only thing which I dare to ask from you as a
great favour is to burn my first letter, and never to mention it again. I
sent it only after I had written four, which I destroyed one after the
other: you may therefore imagine the state of my heart.
"I have given orders to my messenger to go to your convent at once, so
that my letter can be delivered to you as soon as you wake in the
morning. He would never have discovered me, if my good angel had
not made me go up to him at the door of the opera-house. But I shall
not require his services any more; do not answer me, and receive all the
devotion of a heart which adores you."

When my letter was finished, I called my Forlanese, gave him one
sequin, and I made him promise me to go to Muran immediately, and to
deliver my letter only to the nun herself. As soon as he had gone I
threw myself on my bed, but anxiety and burning impatience would not
allow me to sleep.
I need not tell the reader who knows the state of excitement under
which I was labouring, that I was punctual in presenting myself at the
convent. I was shewn into the small parlour where I had seen her for
the first time, and she almost immediately made her entrance. As soon
as I saw her near the grating I fell on my knees, but she entreated me to
rise at once as I might be seen. Her face was flushed with excitement,
and her looks seemed to me heavenly. She sat down, and I took a seat
opposite to her. We remained several minutes motionless, gazing at
each other without speaking, but I broke the silence by asking her, in a
voice full of love and anxiety, whether I could hope to obtain my
pardon. She gave me her beautiful hand through