Confessions of A Justified Sinner | Page 9

whom you bound me to kept hers inviolate? Answer
me that, Sir! None can better do so than you, Mr. How's--
tey--ca'--you."
"So, then, you confess your backslidings, and avow the profligacy of
your life. And this person here is, I suppose, the partner of your
iniquity--she whose beauty hath caused you to err! Stand up, both of
you, till I rebuke you, and show you what you are in the eyes of God
and man."
"In the first place, stand you still there, till I tell you what you are in the
eyes of God and man. You are, Sir, a presumptuous, self- conceited
pedagogue, a stirrer up of strife and commotion in church, in state, in
families, and communities. You are one, Sir, whose righteousness
consists in splitting the doctrines of Calvin into thousands of
undistinguishable films, and in setting up a system of justifying-grace
against all breaches of all laws, moral or divine. In short, Sir, you are a

mildew--a canker-worm in the bosom of the Reformed Church,
generating a disease of which she will never be purged, but by the
shedding of blood. Go thou in peace, and do these abominations no
more; but humble thyself, lest a worse reproof come upon thee."
Wringhim heard all this without flinching. He now and then twisted his
mouth in disdain, treasuring up, meantime, his vengeance against the
two aggressors; for he felt that he had them on the hip, and resolved to
pour out his vengeance and indignation upon them. Sorry am I that the
shackles of modern decorum restrain me from penning that famous
rebuke; fragments of which have been attributed to every divine of old
notoriety throughout Scotland. But 1 have it by heart; and a glorious
morsel it is to put into the hands of certain incendiaries. The metaphors
are so strong and so appalling that Miss Logan could only stand them a
very short time; she was obliged to withdraw in confusion. The laird
stood his ground with much ado, though his face was often crimsoned
over with the hues of shame and anger. Several times he was on the
point of turning the officious sycophant to the door; but good manners,
and an inherent respect that lie entertained for the clergy, as the
immediate servants of the Supreme Being, restrained him.
Wringhim, perceiving these symptoms of resentment, took them for
marks of shame and contrition, and pushed his reproaches farther than
ever divine ventured to do in a similar case. When he had finished, to
prevent further discussion, he walked slowly and majestically out of the
apartment, making his robes to swing behind him in a most magisterial
manner; he being, without doubt, elated with his high conquest. He
went to the upper story, and related to his metaphysical associate his
wonderful success; how he had driven the dame from the house in tears
and deep confusion, and left the backsliding laird in such a quandary of
shame and repentance that he could neither articulate a word nor lift up
his countenance. The dame thanked him most cordially, lauding his
friendly zeal and powerful eloquence; and then the two again set keenly
to the splitting of hairs, and making distinctions in religion where none
existed.
They being both children of adoption, and secured from falling into
snares, or anyway under the power of the wicked one, it was their
custom, on each visit, to sit up a night in the same apartment, for the
sake of sweet spiritual converse; but that time, in the course of the night,

they differed so materially on a small point somewhere between
justification and final election that the minister, in the heat of his zeal,
sprung from his seat, paced the floor, and maintained his point with
such ardour that Martha was alarmed, and, thinking they were going to
fight, and that the minister would be a hard match for her mistress, she
put on some clothes, and twice left her bed and stood listening at the
back of the door, ready to burst in should need require it. Should
anyone think this picture over-strained, I can assure him that it is taken
from nature and from truth; but I will not likewise aver that the
theologist was neither crazed nor inebriated. If the listener's words were
to be relied on, there was no love, no accommodating principle
manifested between the two, but a fiery burning zeal, relating to points
of such minor importance that a true Christian would blush to hear
them mentioned, and the infidel and profane make a handle of them to
turn our religion to scorn.
Great was the dame's exultation at the triumph of her beloved pastor
over her sinful neighbours in the lower parts of the house; and she
boasted of it to