Confession | Page 7

as promptly as themselves from being seen with your poor relation. You--"
"No! no! Edward--how can you think of such a thing?" she replied with girlish chiding.
"Think it!--I know it! The time will soon be here. But--obey your mother, Julia. Go! leave me now. Begin, once the lesson which, before many days, you will find it very easy to learn."
This was all very manly, so I fancied at the time; and then blind with the perverse heart which boiled within me, I felt not the wantonness of my mood, and heeded not the bitter pain which I occasioned to her gentle bosom. Her little hand grasped mine, her warm tears fell upon it; but I flung away from her grasp, and left her to those childish meditations which I had made sufficiently mournful.
Subsequent reflection, while it showed me the brutality of my conduct to Julia, opened my eyes to the true meaning of her mother's interdiction; and increased the pang of those bitter feelings, which my conscious dependence had awakened in my breast, it was necessary that this dependence should be lessened; that, as I was now approaching manhood, I should cast about for the future, and adopt wisely and at once the means of my support hereafter. It was necessary that I should begin the business of life. On this head I had already reflected somewhat, and my thoughts had taken their direction from more than one conference which I had had with William Edgerton. His father was an eminent lawyer, and the law had been adopted for his profession also. I determined to make it mine; and to speak on this subject to my uncle. This I did. I chose an afternoon, the very week in which my conversation had taken place with Julia, and, while the dinner things were undergoing removal, with some formality requested a private interview with him. He looked round at me with a raised brow of inquiry--nodded his head--and shortly after rose from the table. My aunt stared with an air of supercilious wonder; while poor Julia, timid and trembling, barely ventured to give me a single look, which said--and that was enough for me--"I wish I dared say more."
My conference with my uncle was not of long duration. I told him it was my purpose--my desire--to begin as soon as possible to do something for myself. His answer signified that such was his opinion also. So far we were agreed; but when I told him that it was my wish to study the law, he answered with sufficient, and as I thought, scornful abruptness:--
"The law, indeed! What puts the law into your head? What preparations have you made to study the law? You know nothing of languages which every lawyer should know--Latin--"
I interrupted him to say that I had some slight knowledge of Latin--sufficient, I fancied, for all legal purposes.
"Ah! indeed! where did you get it?"
"A friend lent me a grammar and dictionary, and I studied myself."
"Oh, you are ambitious; but you deceive yourself. You were never made for a lawyer. Besides, how are you to live while prosecuting your studies? No, no! I have been thinking of something for you, Edward--and, just now, it happens fortunately that old Squire Farmer, the bricklayer, wants some apprentices--"
I could scarcely listen thus far.
"I thank you, sir, but I have no disposition to be a bricklayer."
"You must do something for yourself. You can not expect to eat the bread of idleness. I have done, and will do for you what I can--whatever is necessary;--but I have my own family to provide for. I can not rob my own child---"
"Nor do I expect it, Mr. Clifford," I replied hastily, and with some indignation. "It is my wish, sir, to draw as little as possible from your income and resources. I would not rob Julia Clifford of a single dollar. Nay, sir, I trust before many years to be able to refund you every copper which has been spent upon me from the moment I entered your household."
He said hastily:--
"I wish nothing of that, Edward;--but the law is a study of years, and is expensive and unpromising in every respect. Your clothes already call for a considerable sum, and such a profession requires, more than almost any other, that a student should be well dressed."
"I promise you, sir, that my dress shall be such as shall not trespass upon your income. I shall be governed by as much economy--"
He interrupted me to say, that
"His duty required that his brother's son should be dressed as well as his associates."
I replied, with tolerable composure:--
"I do not think, sir, that bricklaying will admit of very genteel clothing, nor do I think that the vocation will suit me. I have flattered myself, sir, that my talents--"
"Oh, you have talents, then, have you?