Comic History of the United States

History of the United States, by
Bill Nye

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Title: Comic History of the United States
Author: Bill Nye
Illustrator: F. Opper
Release Date: May 13, 2007 [EBook #21427]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES ***

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Bill Nye's

HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES
ILLUSTRATED BY
F. Opper
THOMPSON & THOMAS, CHICAGO.
COPYRIGHT, 1894,
BY
J. B. LIPPINCOTT COMPANY.
* * * * *
[Illustration]

PREFACE
Facts in a nude state are not liable criminally, any more than bright and
beautiful children commit a felony by being born thus; but it is the
solemn duty of those having these children in charge to put appropriate,
healthful, and even attractive apparel upon them at the earliest possible
moment.
It is thus with facts. They are the frame-work of history, not the drapery.
They are like the cold, hard, dishevelled, damp, and uncomfortable
body under the knife of the demonstrator, not the bright and bounding
boy, clothed in graceful garments and filled to every tingling capillary
with a soul.
We, each of us, the artist and the author, respect facts. We have never,
either of us, said an unkind word regarding facts. But we believe that
they should not be placed before the public exactly as they were born.
We want to see them embellished and beautified. That is why this
history is written.

Certain facts have come into the possession of the artist and author of
this book regarding the history of the Republic down to the present day.
We find, upon looking over the records and documents on file in the
various archives of state and nation, that they are absolutely beyond
question, and it is our object to give these truthfully. These rough and
untidy, but impregnable truths, dressed in the sweet persuasive
language of the author, and fluted, embossed, embroidered, and
embellished by the skilful hand of the artist, are now before you.
History is but the record of the public and official acts of human beings.
It is our object, therefore, to humanize our history and deal with people
past and present; people who ate and possibly drank; people who were
born, flourished, and died; not grave tragedians, posing perpetually for
their photographs.
If we succeed in this way, and administer historical truth in the smooth
capsule of the cartoonist and the commentator, we are content. If not,
we know whose fault it will be, but will not get mad and swear about it.
BILL NYE.
FRED'K B. OPPER.
* * * * *
[Illustration: BILL NYE'S FIELD OF HISTORIC RESEARCH.]
CHAPTER I.
PAGE
THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA 13
CHAPTER II.
OTHER DISCOVERIES--WET AND DRY 23
CHAPTER III.

THE THIRTEEN ORIGINAL COLONIES 36
CHAPTER IV.
THE PLYMOUTH COLONY 47
CHAPTER V.
DRAWBACKS OF BEING A COLONIST 55
CHAPTER VI.
THE EPISODE OF THE CHARTER OAK 62
CHAPTER VII.
THE DISCOVERY OF NEW YORK 72
CHAPTER VIII.
THE DUTCH AT NEW AMSTERDAM 82
CHAPTER IX.
SETTLEMENT OF THE MIDDLE STATES 92
CHAPTER X.
THE EARLY ARISTOCRACY 102
CHAPTER XI.
INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS 110
CHAPTER XII.
PERSONALITY OF WASHINGTON 124

CHAPTER XIII.
CONTRASTS WITH THE PRESENT DAY 131
CHAPTER XIV.
THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR 142
CHAPTER XV.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, LL.D., PHG, F.R.S., ETC. 152
CHAPTER XVI.
THE CRITICAL PERIOD 160
CHAPTER XVII.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END 170
CHAPTER XVIII.
PAGE
THE CLOSE OF THE REVOLUTION 181
CHAPTER XIX.
THE FIRST PRESIDENT 191
CHAPTER XX.
THE WAR WITH CANADA 203
CHAPTER XXI.
THE ADVANCE OF THE REPUBLIC 212

CHAPTER XXII.
MORE DIFFICULTIES STRAIGHTENED OUT 222
CHAPTER XXIII.
THE WEBSTERS 233
CHAPTER XXIV.
BEFO' THE WAH--CAUSES WHICH LED TO IT--MASTERLY
GRASP OF THE SUBJECT SHOWN BY THE AUTHOR 243
CHAPTER XXV.
BULL RUN AND OTHER BATTLES 252
CHAPTER XXVI.
SOME MORE FRATRICIDAL STRIFE 263
CHAPTER XXVII.
STILL MORE FRATERNAL BLOODSHED, ON
PRINCIPLE--OUTING FEATURES DISAPPEAR, AND GIVE
PLACE TO STRAINED RELATIONS BETWEEN COMBATANTS,
WHO BEGIN TO MIX THINGS 274
CHAPTER XXVIII.
LAST YEAR OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR 284
CHAPTER XXIX.
TOO MUCH LIBERTY IN PLACES AND NOT ENOUGH
ELSEWHERE.--THOUGHTS ON THE LATE WAR--WHO IS THE
BIGGER ASS, THE MAN WHO WILL NOT FORGIVE AND

FORGET, OR THE MAWKISH AND MOIST EYED SNIVELLER
WHO WANTS TO DO THAT ALL THE TIME? 297
CHAPTER XXX.
RECONSTRUCTION WITHOUT PAIN--ADMINISTRATIONS OF
JOHNSON AND GRANT 305
CHAPTER XXXI.
CLOSING CHRONICLES 317
APPENDIX 329

[Illustration]
CHAPTER I.