Combed Out | Page 3

I will. When I tells
yer ter do a thing yer've got ter do it, else there'll be trouble, Gawd
strike me blind. Now then, let's see what yer can do."
He gave his orders more slowly and performed each movement himself
while we imitated him as best we could. We jumped and ran, we bent
our bodies, and threw back our heads, we stretched our arms, we rose
on our toes, we flopped down on to the ground and got up again with
lightning rapidity. We ran to and fro until we were breathless. Mistakes
were frequent, and whenever a mistake was made the instructor would
stride up to the culprit with bared teeth and clenched fist and bellow
contemptuous and filthy abuse at him. Not one of us had the courage to
remonstrate. Suddenly our tyrant looked at his watch, and, to our
immense satisfaction, walked off without saying a word.
We remained standing irresolutely for a while and then sat down on the
grass one after another. It was not long before a Sergeant came up and
said he was going to give us saluting drill.
"On the order 'Right 'and Ser-loot,' yer bring up yer right 'and to the
peak o' yer cap an' turn yer 'ead sharply to yer left an' 'old it there while
I counts six paces. At the end o' the six paces yer cuts yer 'and away an'

brings it smartly dahn ter yer side an' looks to yer front. Squad--Tshn!
By the Right, Quick March!... Right 'and, Ser-loot!"
Up went our right hands and our heads turned smartly to the left, while
the Sergeant shouted, "One, two, three, four, five, six, _Dahn!_"
whereupon we brought our hands smartly down to our sides and turned
our heads to the front again. We marched to and fro saluting imaginary
officers with our left hands, it may have been twenty times, it may have
been fifty, we were so overcome with infinite boredom that we
regarded everything with complete apathy and could not trouble to
count. Then, by way of variety, we saluted with our right hands, and
some more dreary minutes passed by. Then we stood to attention and
saluted to the front. Finally, in order to complete our mastery of the art,
each man had to leave the ranks in turn and salute the Sergeant in
passing. Some of us did so clumsily and incorrectly and were sent back
in order to repeat the performance.
Although each one dreaded his own turn, lest he should make himself
look ridiculous, yet the mistakes made by the others were greatly
enjoyed, so that when five or six men saluted without a single error
there was general disappointment. But consolation was at hand, for the
next man walked past the Sergeant with trembling knees. He was so
hampered by nervous fright that he saluted awkwardly and with the
wrong hand. There was loud laughter and the Sergeant, simulating an
outburst of intense fury, roared at the unfortunate man, "Use a bit o'
common sense, can't yer! Yer in the bleed'n' army now, yer not at 'ome
wi' a nurse to look arter yer! Get back an' bloody well do it agin!" The
man's nervousness increased, his mouth was open and his eyes were
staring. With a violent effort of the will he mastered his fear and
saluted correctly although in a grotesque and ungainly fashion.
We began to pity him, but one of our number, a man with long arms, a
low forehead, and a protruding jaw, shouted, "Make 'im do it agin,
Sergeant."
The Sergeant swung round and bellowed--he was really angry this
time:

"What's the matter wi' yer? 'Oo told you to interfere? Mind yer own
bloody business! Come an' do it yerself an' show us what yer made of."
We applauded this utterance, while the nervous individual slunk back
in the ranks, thankful that attention had been distracted from him. The
man addressed stepped out with swaggering alacrity. We hoped he
would make a mistake and were ready to jeer and laugh at him. But to
our great annoyance his salute was perfect, affectedly perfect. As he
came back to the ranks he leered horribly at the Sergeant and then
looked at us with a smirk of triumph and self-congratulation.
More men were called out, one after the other, but as there were no
further displays of pitiable shyness or nervous embarrassment
(although errors were frequent) the proceedings began to bore us
intensely, and once again we counted the minutes and longed for the
end of the afternoon.
The Sergeant's voice was becoming hoarse and he gave us brief
intervals of rest with increasing frequency. Our movements became
slower. Our mistakes, instead of disappearing, became more numerous.
Our faces and necks seemed on