Clarissa, Volume 8 | Page 9

such subjects. The papers I send you with this will be
those mentioned in the margin.* You must restore them to me as soon
as perused; and upon your honour make no use of them, or of any
intelligence you have from me, but by my previous consent.
* 1. A copy of mine to my sister, begging off my father's

malediction . . . . . . dated July 21. 2. My sister's answer . . . . . . . . . . .
dated July 27. 3. Copy of my second letter to my sister. . dated July 29.
4. My sister's answer . . . . . . . . . . . dated Aug. 3. 5. Copy of my Letter
to my mother . . . . . dated Aug. 5. 6. My uncle Harlowe's letter . . . . . . .
dated Aug. 7. 7. Copy of my answer to it . . . . . . . . dated the 1oth. 8.
Letter from my uncle Antony . . . . . . dated the 12th. 9. And lastly, the
copy of my answer to it. dated the 13th.
These communications you must not, my good Mrs. Norton, look upon
as appeals against my relations. On the contrary, I am heartily sorry
that they have incurred the displeasure of so excellent a divine as Dr.
Lewen. But you desire to have every thing before you: and I think you
ought; for who knows, as you say, but you may be applied to at last to
administer comfort from their conceding hearts, to one that wants it;
and who sometimes, judging by what she knows of her own heart,
thinks herself entitled to it?
I know that I have a most indulgent and sweet-tempered mother; but,
having to deal with violent spirits, she has too often forfeited that peace
of mind which she so much prefers, by her over concern to preserve it.
I am sure she would not have turned me over for an answer to a letter
written with so contrite and fervent a spirit, as was mine to her, to a
masculine spirit, had she been left to herself.
But, my dear Mrs. Norton, might not, think you, the revered lady have
favoured me with one private line?----If not, might not you have
written by her order, or connivance, one softening, one motherly line,
when she saw her poor girl, whom once she dearly loved, borne so hard
upon?
O no, she might not!--because her heart, to be sure, is in their measures!
and if she think them right, perhaps they must be right!--at least,
knowing only what they know, they must!--and yet they might know all,
if they would!--and possibly, in their own good time, they think to
make proper inquiry.--My application was made to them but
lately.--Yet how deeply will it afflict them, if their time should be out
of time!

When you have before you the letters I have sent to Miss Howe, you
will see that Lord M. and the Ladies of his family, jealous as they are
of the honour of their house, (to express myself in their language,)
think better of me than my own relations do. You will see an instance
of their generosity to me, which at the time extremely affected me, and
indeed still affects me. Unhappy man! gay, inconsiderate, and cruel!
what has been his gain by making unhappy a creature who hoped to
make him happy! and who was determined to deserve the love of all to
whom he is related! --Poor man!--but you will mistake a compassionate
and placable nature for love!--he took care, great care, that I should
rein-in betimes any passion that I might have had for him, had he
known how to be but commonly grateful or generous!--But the
Almighty knows what is best for his poor creatures.
Some of the letters in the same packet will also let you into the
knowledge of a strange step which I have taken, (strange you will think
it); and, at the same time, give you my reasons for taking it.*
* She means that of making Mr. Belford her executor.
It must be expected, that situations uncommonly difficult will make
necessary some extraordinary steps, which, but for those situations,
would be hardly excusable. It will be very happy indeed, and somewhat
wonderful, if all the measures I have been driven to take should be right.
A pure intention, void of all undutiful resentment, is what must be my
consolation, whatever others may think of those measures, when they
come to know them: which, however, will hardly be till it is out of my
power to justify them, or to answer for myself.
I am glad to hear of my