Clarissa, Volume 6 | Page 9

wilfully, and against the light of my own judgment,
erred, I shall be more happy than if I had all that the world accounts
desirable.
The noble creature proceeded; for I could not speak.
This self-acquittal, when spirits are lent me to dispel the darkness
which at present too often over-clouds my mind, will, I hope, make me
superior to all the calamities that can befal me.
Her whole person was informed by her sentiments. She seemed to be
taller than before. How the God within her exalted her, not only above
me, but above herself!
Divine creature! (as I thought her,) I called her. I acknowledged the
superiority of her mind; and was proceeding--but she interrupted
me--All human excellence, said she, is comparative only. My mind, I
believe, is indeed superior to your's, debased as your's is by evil habits:
but I had not known it to be so, if you had not taken pains to convince
me of the inferiority of your's.
How great, how sublimely great, this creature!--By my soul I cannot
forgive her for her virtues! There is no bearing the consciousness of the

infinite inferiority she charged me with.--But why will she break from
me, when good resolutions are taking place? The red-hot iron she
refuses to strike--O why will she suffer the yielding wax to harden?
We had gone but a few paces towards the house, when we were met by
the impertinent women, with notice, that breakfast was ready. I could
only, with uplifted hands, beseech her to give me hope of a renewed
conversation after breakfast.
No--she would go to church.
And into the house she went, and up stairs directly. Nor would she
oblige me with her company at the tea-table.
I offered, by Mrs. Moore, to quit both the table and the parlour, rather
than she should exclude herself, or deprive the two widows of the
favour of her company.
That was not all the matter, she told Mrs. Moore. She had been
struggling to keep down her temper. It had cost her some pains to do it.
She was desirous to compose herself, in hopes to receive benefit by the
divine worship she was going to join in.
Mrs. Moore hoped for her presence at dinner.
She had rather be excused. Yet, if she could obtain the frame of mind
she hoped for, she might not be averse to show, that she had got above
those sensibilities, which gave consideration to a man who deserved
not to be to her what he had been.
This said, no doubt, to let Mrs. Moore know, that the
garden-conversation had not been a reconciling one.
Mrs. Moore seemed to wonder that we were not upon a better foot of
understanding, after so long a conference; and the more, as she believed
that the lady had given in to the proposal for the repetition of the
ceremony, which I had told them was insisted upon by her uncle
Harlowe.-- But I accounted for this, by telling both widows that she
was resolved to keep on the reserve till she heard from Captain
Tomlinson, whether her uncle would be present in person at the
solemnity, or would name that worthy gentleman for his proxy.
Again I enjoined strict secresy, as to this particular; which was
promised by the widows, as well as for themselves, as for Miss Rawlins;
of whose taciturnity they gave me such an account, as showed me, that
she was secret-keeper-general to all the women of fashion at
Hampstead.

The Lord, Jack! What a world of mischief, at this rate, must Miss
Rawlins know!--What a Pandora's box must her bosom be!--Yet, had I
nothing that was more worthy of my attention to regard, I would
engage to open it, and make my uses of the discovery.
And now, Belford, thou perceivest, that all my reliance is upon the
mediation of Lady Betty and Miss Montague, and upon the hope of
intercepting Miss Howe's next letter.

LETTER IV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
This fair inexorable is actually gone to church with Mrs. Moore and
Mrs. Bevis; but Will. closely attends her motions; and I am in the way
to receive any occasional intelligence from him.
She did not choose, [a mighty word with the sex! as if they were
always to have their own wills!] that I should wait upon her. I did not
much press it, that she might not apprehend that I thought I had reason
to doubt her voluntary return.
I once had it in my head to have found the widow Bevis other
employment. And I believe she would have been as well pleased with
my company as to go to church; for she seemed irresolute when I told
her that two out of a family were