Clarissa, Volume 6 | Page 4

it; and as he had the right side of the argument; I had a good
deal of difficulty with him; and at last brought myself to promise, that

if I could prevail upon her generously to forgive me, and to reinstate
me in her favour, I would make it my whole endeavour to get off of my
contrivances, as happily as I could; (only that Lady Betty and Charlotte
must come;) and then substituting him for her uncle's proxy, take
shame to myself, and marry.
But if I should, Jack, (with the strongest antipathy to the state that ever
man had,) what a figure shall I make in rakish annals? And can I have
taken all this pains for nothing? Or for a wife only, that, however
excellent, [and any woman, do I think I could make good, because I
could make any woman fear as well as love me,] might have been
obtained without the plague I have been at, and much more reputably
than with it? And hast thou not seen, that this haughty woman [forgive
me that I call her haughty! and a woman! Yet is she not haughty?]
knows not how to forgive with graciousness? Indeed has not at all
forgiven me? But holds my soul in a suspense which has been so
grievous to her own.
At this silent moment, I think, that if I were to pursue my former
scheme, and resolve to try whether I cannot make a greater fault serve
as a sponge to wipe out the less; and then be forgiven for that; I can
justify myself to myself; and that, as the fair invincible would say, is all
in all.
As it is my intention, in all my reflections, to avoid repeating, at least
dwelling upon, what I have before written to thee, though the state of
the case may not have varied; so I would have thee to re-consider the
old reasonings (particularly those contained in my answer to thy last*
expostulatory nonsense); and add the new as they fall from my pen; and
then I shall think myself invincible;--at least, as arguing rake to rake.
* See Vol. V. Letter XIV.
I take the gaining of this lady to be essential to my happiness: and is it
not natural for all men to aim at obtaining whatever they think will
make them happy, be the object more or less considerable in the eyes of
others?
As to the manner of endeavouring to obtain her, by falsification of
oaths, vows, and the like--do not the poets of two thousand years and
upwards tell us, that Jupiter laughs at the perjuries of lovers? And let
me add, to what I have heretofore mentioned on that head, a question or
two.

Do not the mothers, the aunts, the grandmothers, the governesses of the
pretty innocents, always, from their very cradles to riper years, preach
to them the deceitfulness of men?--That they are not to regard their
oaths, vows, promises?--What a parcel of fibbers would all these
reverend matrons be, if there were not now and then a pretty credulous
rogue taken in for a justification of their preachments, and to serve as a
beacon lighted up for the benefit of the rest?
Do we not then see, that an honest prowling fellow is a necessary evil
on many accounts? Do we not see that it is highly requisite that a sweet
girl should be now-and-then drawn aside by him?--And the more
eminent the girl, in the graces of person, mind, and fortune, is not the
example likely to be the more efficacious?
If these postulata be granted me, who, I pray, can equal my charmer in
all these? Who therefore so fit for an example to the rest of her sex?
--At worst, I am entirely within my worthy friend Mandeville's
assertion, that private vices are public benefits.
Well, then, if this sweet creature must fall, as it is called, for the benefit
of all the pretty fools of the sex, she must; and there's an end of the
matter. And what would there have been in it of uncommon or rare, had
I not been so long about it?--And so I dismiss all further argumentation
and debate upon the question: and I impose upon thee, when thou
writest to me, an eternal silence on this head.
Wafer'd on, as an after-written introduction to the paragraphs which
follow, marked with turned commas, [thus, ']:
Lord, Jack, what shall I do now! How one evil brings on another!
Dreadful news to tell thee! While I was meditating a simple robbery,
here have I (in my own defence indeed) been guilty of murder!--A bl--y
murder! So I believe it will prove. At her last gasp!--Poor impertinent
opposer!--Eternally resisting!--Eternally contradicting! There she lies
weltering in her