Clarissa, Volume 5 | Page 8

wonder that I am grave on this detection--Detection, must
I call it? What can I call it?--
Dissatisfied with myself, I am afraid to look back upon what I have
written: yet know not how to have done writing. I never was in such an
odd frame of mind.--I know not how to describe it.--Was you ever so?--
Afraid of the censure of her you love--yet not conscious that you
deserve it?
Of this, however, I am convinced, that I should indeed deserve censure,
if I kept any secret of my heart from you.
But I will not add another word, after I have assured you, that I will
look still more narrowly into myself: and that I am
Your equally sincere and affectionate CL. HARLOWE.

LETTER IV
MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ. SAT. EVENING.
I had a charming airing. No return of my malady. My heart was
perfectly easy, how could my stomach be otherwise?
But when I came home, I found that my sweet soul had been alarmed
by a new incident--The inquiry after us both, in a very suspicious
manner, and that by description of our persons, and not by names, by a
servant in a blue livery turn'd up and trimm'd with yellow.
Dorcas was called to him, as the upper servant; and she refusing to
answer any of the fellow's questions, unless he told his business, and
from whom he came, the fellow (as short as she) said, that if she would
not answer him, perhaps she might answer somebody else; and went
away out of humour.
Dorcas hurried up to her Lady, and alarmed her, not only with the fact,
but with her own conjectures; adding, that he was an ill-looking fellow,
and she was sure could come for no good.
The livery and the features of the servant were particularly inquired
after, and as particularly described--Lord bless her! no end of her
alarms, she thought! And then did her apprehensions anticipate every
evil that could happen.
She wished Mr. Lovelace would come in.
Mr. Lovelace came in soon after; all lively, grateful, full of hopes, of
duty, of love, to thank his charmer, and to congratulate with her upon
the cure she had performed. And then she told the story, with all its
circumstances; and Dorcas, to point her lady's fears, told us, that the
servant was a sun-burnt fellow, and looked as if he had been at sea.
He was then, no doubt, Captain Singleton's servant, and the next news
she should hear, was, that the house was surrounded by a whole ship's
crew; the vessel lying no farther off, as she understood, than
Rotherhithe.
Impossible, I said. Such an attempt would not be ushered in by such a
manner of inquiry. And why may it not rather be a servant of your
cousin Morden, with notice of his arrival, and of his design to attend
you?
This surmise delighted her. Her apprehensions went off, and she was at
leisure to congratulate me upon my sudden recovery; which she did in

the most obliging manner.
But we had not sat long together, when Dorcas again came fluttering up
to tell us, that the footman, the very footman, was again at the door, and
inquired, whether Mr. Lovelace and his lady, by name, had not
lodgings in this house? He asked, he told Dorcas, for no harm. But his
disavowing of harm, was a demonstration with my apprehensive
fair-one, that harm was intended. And as the fellow had not been
answered by Dorcas, I proposed to go down to the street-parlour, and
hear what he had to say.
I see your causeless terror, my dearest life, said I, and your impatience
--Will you be pleased to walk down--and, without being observed, (for
he shall come no farther than the parlour-door,) you may hear all that
passes?
She consented. We went down. Dorcas bid the man come forward.
Well, friend, what is your business with Mr. and Mrs. Lovelace?
Bowing, scraping, I am sure you are the gentleman, Sir. Why, Sir, my
business is only to know if your honour be here, and to be spoken with;
or if you shall be here for any time?
Whom came you from?
From a gentleman who ordered me to say, if I was made to tell, but not
else, it was from a friend of Mr. John Harlowe, Mrs. Lovelace's eldest
uncle.
The dear creature was ready to sink upon this. It was but of late that she
had provided herself with salts. She pulled them out.
Do you know anything of Colonel Morden, friend? said I.
No; I never heard of his name.
Of Captain Singleton?
No, Sir. But the gentleman, my master, is a Captain too.
What is his name?
I don't know if I