Clarissa, Volume 1 | Page 7

myself,
had I been more justly spared by every one else.
For, whether it be owing to a faulty impatience, having been too
indulgently treated to be inured to blame, or to the regret I have to hear
those censured on my account, whom it is my duty to vindicate; I have
sometimes wished, that it had pleased God to have taken me in my last
fever, when I had every body's love and good opinion; but oftener that I
had never been distinguished by my grandfather as I was: since that
distinction has estranged from me my brother's and sister's affections;
at least, has raised a jealousy with regard to the apprehended favour of
my two uncles, that now-and-then overshadows their love.
My brother being happily recovered of his fever, and his wound in a
hopeful way, although he has not yet ventured abroad, I will be as
particular as you desire in the little history you demand of me. But
heaven forbid that any thing should ever happen which may require it
to be produced for the purpose you mention!
I will begin, as you command, with Mr. Lovelace's address to my sister;
and be as brief as possible. I will recite facts only; and leave you to
judge of the truth of the report raised, that the younger sister has robbed
the elder.
It was in pursuance of a conference between Lord M. and my uncle
Antony, that Mr. Lovelace [my father and mother not forbidding] paid
his respect to my sister Arabella. My brother was then in Scotland,
busying himself in viewing the condition of the considerable estate
which was left him there by his generous godmother, together with one
as considerable in Yorkshire. I was also absent at my Dairy-house, as it

is called,* busied in the accounts relating to the estate which my
grandfather had the goodness to devise to me; and which once a year
was left to my inspection, although I have given the whole into my
father's power.
*Her grandfather, in order to invite her to him as often as her other
friends would spare her, indulged her in erecting and fitting up a
diary-house in her own taste. When finished, it was so much admired
for its elegant simplicity and convenience, that the whole seat (before,
of old time, from its situation, called The Grove) was generally known
by the name of The Dairy-house. Her grandfather in particular was
fond of having it so called.
My sister made me a visit there the day after Mr. Lovelace had been
introduced; and seemed highly pleased with the gentleman. His birth,
his fortune in possession, a clear 2000L. a year, as Lord M. had assured
my uncle; presumptive heir to that nobleman's large estate: his great
expectations from Lady Sarah Sadleir and Lady Betty Lawrence; who
with his uncle interested themselves very warmly (he being the last of
his line) to see him married.
'So handsome a man!--O her beloved Clary!' (for then she was ready to
love me dearly, from the overflowings of her good humour on his
account!) 'He was but too handsome a man for her!--Were she but as
amiable as somebody, there would be a probability of holding his
affections!--For he was wild, she heard; very wild, very gay; loved
intrigue--but he was young; a man of sense: would see his error, could
she but have patience with his faults, if his faults were not cured by
marriage!'
Thus she ran on; and then wanted me 'to see the charming man,' as she
called him.--Again concerned, 'that she was not handsome enough for
him;' with, 'a sad thing, that the man should have the advantage of the
woman in that particular!'--But then, stepping to the glass, she
complimented herself, 'That she was very well: that there were many
women deemed passable who were inferior to herself: that she was
always thought comely; and comeliness, let her tell me, having not so
much to lose as beauty had, would hold, when that would evaporate or
fly off:--nay, for that matter,' [and again she turned to the glass] 'her
features were not irregular; her eyes not at all amiss.' And I remember
they were more than usually brilliant at that time.-- 'Nothing, in short,

to be found fault with, though nothing very engaging she doubted--was
there, Clary.'
Excuse me, my dear, I never was thus particular before; no, not to you.
Nor would I now have written thus freely of a sister, but that she makes
a merit to my brother of disowning that she ever liked him; as I shall
mention hereafter: and then you will always have me give you minute
descriptions, nor suffer me to pass by the air and manner in which
things are spoken that are to