Citation and Examination of William Shakspeare | Page 4

mute awhile, and discomfited;

then turning toward Sir Thomas, and looking and speaking as one
submiss and contrite, he thus appealed unto him:-
"Worshipful sir! were there any signs of venison on my mouth, Master
Silas could not for his life cry out upon it, nor help kissing it as 'twere a
wench's."
Sir Thomas looked upon him with most lordly gravity and wisdom, and
said unto him, in a voice that might have come from the bench:
"Youth, thou speakest irreverently;" and then unto Master Silas: "Silas!
to the business on hand. Taste the fat upon yon boor's table, which the
constable hath brought hither, good Master Silas! And declare upon
oath, being sworn in my presence, first, whether said fat do proceed of
venison; secondly, whether said venison be of buck or doe."
Whereupon the reverend Sir Silas did go incontinently, and did bend
forward his head, shoulders, and body, and did severally taste four
white solid substances upon an oaken board; said board being about
two yards long, and one yard four inches wide,--found in, and brought
thither from, the tenement or messuage of Andrew Haggit, who hath
absconded. Of these four white solid substances, two were somewhat
larger than a groat, and thicker; one about the size of King Henry the
Eighth's shilling, when our late sovereign lord of blessed memory was
toward the lustiest; and the other, that is to say the middlemost, did
resemble in some sort, a mushroom, not over fresh, turned upward on
its stalk.
"And what sayest thou, Master Silas?" quoth the knight.
In reply whereunto Sir Silas thus averred:-
"Venison! o' my conscience! Buck! or burn me alive!
The three splashes in the circumference are verily and indeed venison;
buck, moreover,--and Charlecote buck, upon my oath!"
Then carefully tasting the protuberance in the centre, he spat it out,
crying, -
"Pho! pho! villain! villain!" and shaking his fist at the culprit.
Whereat the said culprit smiled and winked, and said off-hand, -
"Save thy spittle, Silas! It would supply a gaudy mess to the hungriest
litter; but it would turn them from whelps into wolvets. 'T is pity to
throw the best of thee away. Nothing comes out of thy mouth that is not
savoury and solid, bating thy wit, thy sermons, and thy promises."
It was my duty to write down the very words, irreverent as they are,

being so commanded. More of the like, it is to be feared, would have
ensued, but that Sir Thomas did check him, saying, shrewdly, -
"Young man! I perceive that if I do not stop thee in thy courses, thy
name, being involved in thy company's, may one day or other reach
across the county; and folks may handle it and turn it about, as it
deserveth, from Coleshill to Nuneaton, from Bromwicham to
Brownsover. And who knoweth but that, years after thy death, the very
house wherein thou wert born may be pointed at, and commented on,
by knots of people, gentle and simple! What a shame for an honest
man's son! Thanks to me, who consider of measures to prevent it!
Posterity shall laud and glorify me for plucking thee clean out of her
head, and for picking up timely a ticklish skittle, that might overthrow
with it a power of others just as light. I will rid the hundred of thee,
with God's blessing!--nay, the whole shire. We will have none such in
our county; we justices are agreed upon it, and we will keep our word
now and forevermore. Woe betide any that resembles thee in any part
of him!"
Whereunto Sir Silas added, -
"We will dog him, and worry him, and haunt him, and bedevil him; and
if ever he hear a comfortable word, it shall be in a language very
different from his own."
"As different as thine is from a Christian's," said the youth.
"Boy! thou art slow of apprehension," said Sir Thomas, with much
gravity; and taking up the cue, did rejoin, -
"Master Silas would impress upon thy ductile and tender mind the
danger of evil doing; that we, in other words that justice is resolved to
follow him up, even beyond his country, where he shall hear nothing
better than the Italian or the Spanish, or the black language, or the
language of Turk or Troubadour, or Tartar or Mongol. And, forsooth,
for this gentle and indirect reproof, a gentleman in priest's orders is told
by a stripling that he lacketh Christianity! Who then shall give it?"
WILLIAM SHAKSPEARE.
"Who, indeed? when the founder of the feast leaveth an invited guest so
empty! Yea, sir, the guest was invited, and the board was spread. The
fruits that lay upon it be there still, and fresh as ever; and the bread of
life