Christmas Comes but Once A Year | Page 9

amount of flat-fish; for that evening, Captain
de Camp was more than usually lucky--he caught enough at ecarté to
clear himself;--a freak of fortune that caused no asperity in the noble
breast of Brown; for here are his own thoughts in his own
words:--"December 26th, Wednesday (Boxing-day).--My dear friend,
De Camp, has this day given us all tokens of the warmest
attachment--sadly wanting to do something for me--'Colonial,' 'War,' or
'Admiralty.' Not requiring anything just now, this will form an
admirable reserve; I must, in the meantime, profit by his refined society,
as I hope and trust the girls will by his sons'. If there be any drawback
to the delight I feel, it is the non-arrival of his luggage; for I am
personally inconvenienced by his wearing my best coat. I may be

over-scrupulous in wishing he would return the books he devours with
such avidity:--Mrs. B. says, she thinks, the paragon of knowledge
swallows them; for they are not to be found."
Next morning Ichabod enters the Brown suit and service, having spent
Boxing-night and the proceeds of the Christmas-piece at the play,
where he saw "Jane Shore" and "Harlequin House that Jack built;" the
plot and tricks of which he recounted to Master Tommy, as he took that
young gentleman for a walk, inoculating him with a great desire to go
and behold it. So, after having coaxed his mother, teased his father, and
cried his lovely blue eyes into a good imitation of red veined marble,
the youth triumphed; for on Thursday evening, they all went to the play
in the fusty fly from Drone's yard, driven by old Drone, in his
pepper-and-salt suit of pseudo livery, that looked as if he always
brushed it with the currycomb; and so tindery about the breast, from the
number of marriage-favours annually pinned there, that it is a wonder it
holds together. Alphonso rode upon the box, giving the vehicle a
certain amount of smartness. On their arrival under the dirt-embrowned
portico of the theatre, they are cordially recognised by the De Camps;
who, thinking it a pity the box should not be filled, have just dropped
down to see "London Assurance"--intending to quit before the
pantomime, but forgetting to do so after all.
[Illustration]
During the play, Master Tommy disposes of a vast quantity of oranges
and sponge-cakes--vanishing between each act to obtain a fresh
supply;--making butterflies of the bill, and causing the double-barrelled
lorgnette (which was hired for the occasion from an adjacent
oyster-shop) to slip off the cushion, falling upon a bald gentleman in
the pit:--the excited little pest remarking everything, and fairly shouting
at the discovery of Alphonso below, until chid by his mother. Oh! that
we could participate in thy youthful enthusiasm, or feel pleased at that
hotch-potch--the overture; or, a thrill when the muffin-bell tinkles,
causing the lovely drop-scene--that combined the grandeur of the pretty
Parthenon with the sublimity of Virginia Water--to vanish into its own
intensely blue sky; disclosing the "Harlequin House that Jack built,"

and Mr. John Bull's huge paste-board thick head, snoring like thunder,
in a "property" summer-house--an elephantine blue-bottle on his
proboscis, and a sleeping bull-dog, the size of an Alderney steer, at his
feet;--here Master Brown, with a grin, calls the house Victoria Villa,
and the paste-board mask his papa. Now enters the rat, to eat the good
things that lay in the house that John built, represented by a stealthy
seedy gentleman, who, after reading a board intimating that apartments
were to let, crept slyly past the sleepy Bull, to mount the house-steps;
and there deliver himself of the following doggerel, in a mellifluous
voice:--
"I search for lodgings--here's the very thing,-- Though I've not got a rap,
I think I'll ring; For all I want is to be taken in,-- As I would others
take--sure 'tis no sin To do to others--only tit for tat-- So here
goes--Rat--tat, tat--a tat!!!!!"
[Illustration: HERE WE ARE AGAIN!]
The orchestra, loud in wishing to know "who's dat knocking at de
door?" and Master Tom, deep in the bill, with Mr. Rat, who is there
described as a "scamp"--an unknown term to Tom, for he asked its
meaning; observing that Uncle Brick said Captain de Camp was a
scamp. This question remained unanswered; for no one heard it except
the Captain, who felt a great itching to pull a young monkey's ears, but
did not. The cat (a sort of Puss in Boots, with a short stick and strip of
paper) entering, to catch the rat, is worried by the dog; who is tossed by
a cow with a very crumpled horn; who was milked by a maid said to be
very forlorn; who is kissed by a sweet-looking beggar, all tattered and
torn--the loving pair being likened to Jemima and