Christmas Comes but Once A Year | Page 7

[Illustration: THE PUDDING. AS IT OUGHT TO HAVE
APPEARED.]
In the hall they are introduced to the viands, all thought to partake
of;--which have arrived too late, and are now displayed in their
primitive state--a picture of still life; whilst the guests--a picture of
disappointment--have to put up with odds and ends, concocted to meet
the emergency, ending with a series of plum-dumplings, in place of the
legitimate large pudding. However, the indigent relatives, who prefer
the cold corners, and take "any part," declare themselves well
satisfied:--all partaking of everything, and brandy afterwards, as if the
viands were rich. Master Brown does justice to everything, of
course--that sweet child is now pulling the merry thought with his
maiden aunt; he is victor, and, as no one wishes to know his thoughts,
seems determined to tell them,--wishing "Jemy. and Mr. Latimer would
look sharp, and knock up the match Mamma spoke of; as then he
should be breeched, have pockets, and money:" here the little dear
turned to the Captain, saying, "You'll give me a crown, won't you?"--a
question at which the maiden aunt blushed intensely, as did Mrs.
Brown, who attempted to hide her emotion by saying, "What strange
things children do think of!"--at the same time helping a gentleman
who had had enough--the bashful gentleman, who sat at the junction of
the tables, and appeared so incommoded by the table-land of one being
higher than the table-land of the other--causing his plate to oscillate in a
very remarkable manner, and discharge its contents in his lap,--the
conjoined legs compelling him either to sit at a fearful distance, and
spill the gravy, or to split his kerseymeres, by extending them too much

for their frail make:--however, he has at last succeeded in thrusting one
knee between them, and the shorter leg of the two off Bunyan's
"Pilgrim's Progress"--used to stilt it;--letting the unfortunate
gentleman's pudding down, and his plate travel, until at last it stops,
performing a gyration, all to itself, under the sideboard.
[Illustration: The Merry Thought]
During this clatter, the ladies rise and depart, leaving the gentlemen to
drown all disappointments in the wine. Mr. Brown, "feeling called
upon," rises, apologizing for certain misfortunes, herein described--at
the same time trusting that such events might never happen again; and,
in the end, eulogizing Mrs. B., who is painted in glowing colours, by a
painter who said he should not have painted it; or, as any one else
might have observed, introduced two virtuously amiable daughters, so
prominently in the foreground. After a noble reply by Captain de Camp,
of the Hon. East India Company's service, from Madras, and much
applause from the diners, they ascend, to join the ladies; forming, round
the drawing-room-fire, a vast amphitheatre, in the centre of which,
gladiatorial children contend for nuts and oranges--Captain de Camp
filling the post of honour,--making himself at home in Mr. Brown's
easy chair and slippers. Mr. Wellesley drags in the yule-log, much to
the detriment of the Brussels, and the annoyance of the guests; for,
upon placing it in the grate, it causes everything to be covered with
black tadpoles, nearly extinguishing the fire--until it ignites, roasting
the company, and making the pot a white-heat.
[Illustration]
The Captain has repeated last evening's brew, upon a larger scale, in the
"little bason," or wassail-bowl. Master Wellesley has kissed Angelina
under the misletoe, suspended from the chandelier, and placed in the
centre of the amphitheatre, for that purpose. Mr. Latimer has "taken the
opportunity," as Jemima turned up a refractory burner; and everybody
kissed everybody else they liked, or could catch there. The entertaining
Captain has narrated an effective anecdote of an enraged elephant, and
a precious big boar speared in a savage jungle--to which he might have
added, with no more personal risk than Mrs. Brown may experience

when hunting for a boa in her wardrobe. And, Mr. Mouldy, the city
merchant, who dealt in rags, sang about a little excitable pig, and "Mac
Mullin's Lament;" whilst Mr. Snobbins--who it was hoped would sit
and be silent,--has broken the spell, dared to remember old times,
sleeping under a counter, and the pugnacity of Brown, when they were
in a mess at the blues--making Captain de Camp think more of a
military repast than Christ's Hospital;--until the "blues" were dispelled
by Mr. Snobbins singing "The gallant 'prentice boy:"--not that the
company would have lacked a military man, had the Captain been
absent, for there was Cowed, the meek Bermondsey tanner, by livery a
hatter, and withal a soldier--a member of the Hon. Artillery
Company,--he who sang about God blessing the old cow's hide, and a
"Wish that his soul in heaven might dwell, Who first invented the
leather bottel;"
--and, Mrs. Brown's brother, Mr. Barthe Brick, familiarly known as the
"Brick," who had