Christine | Page 9

I had best stand up to them, having started off so recklessly,
and tried to lash myself into bravery by remembering how full I was of
the blood of all the Cholmondeleys, let alone those relations of yours
alleged to have fought alongside the Black Prince; so though I wished
there were several of me rather than only one, I said with courage and
obstinacy, "Passionately."
You can't think how seriously they took it. They all talked at once, very
loud. They were all extremely angry. I wished I had kept quiet, for I
couldn't elaborate my idea in my limping German, and it was quite
difficult to go on smiling and behaving as though they were all not
being rude, for I don't think they mean to be rude, and I was afraid, if I
showed a trace of thinking they were that they might notice they were,
and then they would have felt so uncomfortable, and the situation
would have become, as they say, peinlich.
Four of the Daily Dinner Guests are men, and one of the boarders is a
man; and these five men and Frau Berg were the vociferous ones. They
exclaimed things like "_Nein, so was_!" and, "Diese englische
Hochmut!" and single words like _unerhort_; and then one of them
called Herr Doctor Krummlaut, who is a lawyer and a widower and
much esteemed by the rest, detached himself from them and made me a
carefully patient speech, in which he said how sorry they all were to see
so young and gifted a lady,--(he bowed, and I bowed)--oh yes, he said,
raising his hand as though to ward off any modest objections I might be
going to make, only I wasn't going to make any, he had heard that I was
undoubtedly gifted, and not only gifted but also, he would not be
deterred from saying, and he felt sure his colleagues at the table would
not be deterred from saying either if they were in his place, a lady of
personal attractions,--(he bowed and I bowed,)--how sorry they all were
to see a young Fraulein with these advantages, filled at the same time
with opinions and views that were not only highly unsuitable to her sex
but were also, in any sex, so terribly wrong. Every lady, he said, should
have some knowledge of history, and sufficient acquaintance with the
three kinds of politics,--Politik, Weltpolitik, and Realpolitik, to enable
her to avoid wrong and frivolous conclusions such as the one the young
Fraulein had just informed them she had reached, and to listen

intelligently to her husband or son when they discuss these matters. He
said a great deal more, about a woman knowing these things just
enough but not too well, for her intelligence must not be strained
because of her supreme function of being the cradle of the race; and the
cradle part of her, I gather, isn't so useful if she is allowed to develop
the other part of her beyond what is necessary for making an agreeable
listener.
It was no use even trying to explain what I had meant about Germany
really being in love with England, because I hadn't got words enough;
but that is exactly the impression I've received from my brief
experiences of one corner of its life. In this small corner of it, anyhow,
it behaves exactly like a woman who is so unlucky as to love somebody
who doesn't care about her. She naturally, I imagine,--for I can only
guess at these enslavements,--is very much humiliated and angry, and
all the more because the loved and hated one--isn't it possible to love
and hate at the same time, little mother? I can imagine it quite well--is
so indifferent as to whether she loves or hates. And whichever she does,
he is polite,--"Always gentleman," as the Germans say. Which is,
naturally, maddening.
Evening.
Do you know I wrote to you the whole morning? I wrote and wrote,
with no idea how time was passing, and was astonished and indignant,
for I haven't half told you all I want to, when I was called to dinner. It
seemed like shutting a door on you and leaving you outside without any
dinner, to go away and have it without you.
If it weren't for its being my day with you I don't know what I'd do with
Sundays. I would hate them. I'm not allowed to play on Sundays,
because practising is forbidden on that day, and, as Frau Berg said, how
is she to know if I am practising or playing? Besides, it would disturb
the others, which of course is true, for they all rest on Sundays, getting
up late, sleeping after dinner, and not going out till they have had
coffee about five. Today,