Chantecler | Page 9

that your jag-toothed red crest stands for!
CHANTECLER So that's what you say?
BLACKBIRD [Affecting simplicity.] You surely don't mind? How can it affect you? And a joke about you is always so sure of success!
PATOU [To the BLACKBIRD.] Point-blank, do you admire or despise the Cock?
BLACKBIRD I make fun of him in spots, but admire him in lump!
PATOU You always peck two kinds of seed.
THE BLACKBIRD My cage has two seed-cups, you see.
PATOU I am single-minded and downright!
THE BLACKBIRD You--are an old poodle of the year 48! I am an up-to-date bird!
PATOU [Gruffly.] Out of my way! lest I give your black coat red tails! [The BLACKBIRD nimbly gets out of the way, PATOU _goes into his kennel grumbling._] I'll show him some up-to-date jaws!
CHANTECLER Be quiet! It's his way. The truth is that if once he stood in the presence of beauty, this very Blackbird would applaud!
PATOU Not with both wings! What can you expect of a bird who, with woodbine and juniper full in sight, prefers to go inside and peck at a musty biscuit?
BLACKBIRD He never seems to suspect that the poacher is a blackguardly sort of brute!
PATOU What I know is that the underbrush is all a delicate golden gloom--
THE BLACKBIRD Yes, but leaden shot can cleave your delicate gold. The quail is such a canny bird, that he lies low lest he make his last appearance on toast. And so, in lack of quail--
PATOU Does the great stag delight any the less in his green forest for turning over among the grass at evening some bit of a rusty cartridge?
THE BLACKBIRD No, old chap--but the stag, you see, is just another kind of a hat-rack!
PATOU Oh, but freedom, freedom, with violets looking on! Love!--
THE BLACKBIRD Antediluvian pastimes! not nearly such good fun as my nice new wooden trapeze. Oh, my cage, let us sign a joyful three-six-nine years' lease! I live like a Duke, I have filtered drinking-water--[At PATOU'S significant start and growl, he springs aside, finishing.] You can sling mud upon me, I have a porcelain bath!
CHANTECLER [Slightly out of patience.] Why not make a practice of talking simply and to the point?
THE BLACKBIRD I like to make you sit up, and watch you blinking.
PATOU Grrrrr--in the plain interest of public decency, I say it behooves us--
THE BLACKBIRD Don't say behooves, say it's up to you, old chap!
CHANTECLER What's all this juggling with words?
THE BLACKBIRD The thing, Chantecler, quite the thing! I knew a city sparrow once, and it's the way they talk in fashionable circles.
CHANTECLER I was well acquainted with a little red-breast, who lived beneath a city poet's eaves; he did not talk like you.
THE BLACKBIRD I belong to my time. Every chap that's a bit of a swell nowadays must be a bit of a tough. It's smart, you know.
PATOU I froth at the mouth! Smart,--there's the Peacock's password!
CHANTECLER Oh, the Peacock, by the way, what is he doing these days?
THE BLACKBIRD Ogling with his tail-feathers!
PATOU Baneful his example has been to many an humble heart.
CHANTECLER What signs do you see of his influence?
PATOU A thousand nothings.
THE OLD HEN [Appearing.] Bubbles floating down the stream tell of laundresses up stream! [The lid drops.]
CHANTECLER I am sure I have not seen the smallest bubble from which--
PATOU [Indicating a GUINEA-PIG, who is passing.] See there, that Guinea-pig--
CHANTECLER [Considering him.] What about him? He is just a yellow Guinea-pig!
GUINEA-PIG [Snippily correcting.] Khaki, if you please!
CHANTECLER [To PATOU.] Kha--?
PATOU A bubble!--And yonder waddling duck--
CHANTECLER [Looking at him.] He is going to take his bath--
THE DUCK [Drily.] My tub!
CHANTECLER His--?
PATOU A bubble!
[A long grating noise is heard within the house Crrrrrrr, then.]
THE CLOCK Cuckoo!
THE GREY HEN [Leaving her hiding-place and running towards the cat-hole.] His voice!--Now through the kitty's little door I finally shall see him! [She thrusts her head into the hole. The CUCKOO'S _call is not repeated.] Oh, deary, deary me! I am too late! [Calling._] Bis! Encore!
CHANTECLER [Turning around at the noise.] Eh?
THE GREY HEN [Desperately, with her head in the cat-hole.] He has stopped!
THE BLACKBIRD It was the half-hour.
CHANTECLER [Close behind the GREY HEN, abruptly.] How does it happen, my love, that we are not in the fields?
THE GREY HEN [Turning, scared.] Goodness gracious!
CHANTECLER What are we doing, my love, in the cat-hole?
THE GREY HEN [Upset.] I was just taking a peep--
CHANTECLER To see whom?
THE GREY HEN [More and more upset.] Oh--!
CHANTECLER [Dramatically.] Who is it?
THE GREY HEN Oh--
CHANTECLER Confess!
THE GREY HEN [In the voice of a woman caught in guilt.] The Cuckoo!
CHANTECLER [Amazed.] You love him?--But wherefore?
THE GREY HEN [Drops her eyes, then with emotion.] He is Swiss!
PATOU A bubble!
THE GREY HEN He is a thinker. He takes his airing--
CHANTECLER She loves a clock!
THE GREY HEN --always takes his airing at the same hour, like Kant.
CHANTECLER Like what?
THE GREY HEN Like Kant.
CHANTECLER