Chamberss Edinburgh Journal, No. 424 | Page 9

the young
rose--beautifying while veiling the dazzling glory within.'
'Ah! you speak far too poetically for me,' said Julia, smiling. 'If you
will come down to my level for a little while, and will talk to me
rationally, I will tell you my history. I will tell it you as a lesson for
yourself, which I think will do you good.'
The cold chill that went to my soul! Her history! It was no diary of
facts that I wanted to hear, but only a register of feelings--a register of
feelings in which I should find myself the only point whereto the index
was set. History! what events deserving that name could have troubled
the smooth waters of her life?
I was silent, for I was disturbed; but Julia did not notice either my
embarrassment or my silence, and began, in her low, soft voice, to open
one of the saddest chapters of life which I had ever heard.
'You do not know that I am going into a convent?' she said; then,

without waiting for an answer, she continued: 'This is the last month of
my worldly life. In four weeks, I shall have put on the white robe of the
novitiate, and in due course I trust to be dead for ever to this earthly
life.'
A heavy, thick, choking sensation in my throat, and a burning pain
within my eyeballs, warned me to keep silence. My voice would have
betrayed me.
'When I was seventeen,' continued Julia, 'I was engaged to my cousin.
We had been brought up together from childhood, and we loved each
other perfectly. You must not think, because I speak so calmly now,
that I have not suffered in the past. It is only by the grace of resignation
and of religion, that I have been brought to my present condition of
spiritual peace. I am now five-and-twenty--next week I shall be
six-and-twenty: that is just nine years since I was first engaged to
Laurence. He was not rich enough, and indeed he was far too young, to
marry, for he was only a year older than myself; and if he had had the
largest possible amount of income, we could certainly not have married
for three years. My father never cordially approved of the engagement,
though he did not oppose it. Laurence was taken partner into a large
concern here, and a heavy weight of business was immediately laid on
him. Youthful as he was, he was made the sole and almost irresponsible
agent in a house which counted its capital by millions, and through
which gold flowed like water. For some time, he went on well--to a
marvel well. He was punctual, vigilant, careful; but the responsibility
was too much for the poor boy: the praises he received, the flattery and
obsequiousness which, for the first time, were lavished on the
friendless youth, the wealth at his command, all turned his head. For a
long time, we heard vague rumours of irregular conduct; but as he was
always the same good, affectionate, respectful, happy Laurence when
with us, even my father, who is so strict, and somewhat suspicious,
turned a deaf ear to them. I was the earliest to notice a slight change,
first in his face, and then in his manners. At last the rumours ceased to
be vague, and became definite. Business neglected; fatal habits visible
even in the early day; the frightful use of horrible words which once he
would have trembled to use; the nights passed at the gaming-table, and
the days spent in the society of the worst men on the turf--all these
accusations were brought to my father by credible witnesses; and, alas!

they were too true to be refuted. My father--Heaven and the holy saints
bless his gray head!--kept them from me as long as he could. He
forgave him again and again, and used every means that love and
reason could employ to bring him back into the way of right; but he
could do nothing against the force of such fatal habits as those to which
my poor Laurence had now become wedded. With every good intention,
and with much strong love for me burning sadly amid the wreck of his
virtues, he yet would not refrain: the Evil One had overcome him; he
was his prey here and hereafter. O no--not hereafter!' she added, raising
her hands and eyes to heaven, 'if prayer, if fasting, patient vigil,
incessant striving, may procure him pardon--not for ever his prey! Our
engagement was broken off; and this step, necessary as it was,
completed his ruin. He died'--Here a strong shudder shook her from
head to foot, and I half rose, in alarm. The next instant she was calm.
'Now, you know my history,' continued she. 'It