Celibates | Page 7

he had begun to fear that she was going to do so
again. There was a look of mingled irresolution and determination in her face. She
continued to work on her sky; but at every touch it grew worse, and, feeling that she had

irretrievably spoilt her drawing, she said:
'But do you think that we shall ever be married, Alfred?'
'Of course. Why? Are you going to break it off?'
'We have been engaged nearly two years, and there seems no prospect of our being
married. Harold will never consent. It does not seem fair to keep you waiting any longer.'
'I'd willingly wait twenty years for you, Mildred.'
She looked at him a little tenderly, and he continued more confidently. 'But I'm glad to
say there is no longer any question of waiting. My father has consented to settle four
hundred a year upon me, the same sum as your brother proposes to settle on you. We can
be married when you like.'
She only looked at the spoilt water-colour, and it was with difficulty that Alfred
restrained himself from snatching it out of her hands.
'You do not answer. You heard what I said, that my father had agreed to settle four
hundred a year upon me?'
'I'm sure I'm very glad, for your sake.'
'That's a very cold answer, Mildred. I think I can say that I'm sure of the appointment.'
'I'm glad, indeed I am, Alfred.'
'But only for my sake?'
Mildred sat looking at the water-colour.
'You see our marriage has been delayed so long; many things have come between us.'
'What things?'
'Much that I'm afraid you'd not understand. You've often reproached me,' she said, her
voice quickening a little, 'with coldness. I'm cold; it is not my fault. I'm afraid I'm not like
other girls. ... I don't think I want to be married.'
'This is Mrs. Fargus' doing. What do you want?'
'I'm not quite sure. I should like to study.'
'This must be Mrs. Fargus.'
'I should like to do something.'
'But marriage--'

'Marriage is not everything. There are other things. I should like to study art.'
'But marriage won't prevent your studying art.'
'I want to go away, to leave Sutton. I should like to travel.'
'But we should travel--our honeymoon.'
'I don't think I could give up my freedom, Alfred; I've thought it all over. I'm afraid I'm
not the wife for you.'
'Some one else has come between us? Some one richer. Who's this other fellow?'
'No; there's no one else. I assure you there's no one else. I don't think I shall marry at all.
There are other things besides marriage.... I'm not fitted for marriage. I'm not strong. I
don't think I could have children. It would kill me.'
'All this is the result of Mrs. Fargus. I can read her ideas in every word you say. Women
like Mrs. Fargus ought to be ducked in the horse- pond. They're a curse.'
Mildred smiled.
'You're as strong as other girls. I never heard of anything being the matter with you.
You're rather thin, that's all. You ought to go away for a change of air. I never heard such
things; a young girl who has been brought up like you. I don't know what Harold would
say--not fitted for marriage; not strong enough to bear children. What conversations you
must have had with Mrs. Fargus; studying art, and the rest of it. Really, Mildred, I did not
think a young girl ever thought of such things.'
'We cannot discuss the subject. We had better let it drop.'
'Yes,' he said, 'we'd better say no more; the least said the soonest mended. You're ill, you
don't know what you're saying. You're not looking well; you've been brooding over
things. You'd better go away for a change. When you come back you'll think differently.'
'Go away for a change! Yes,' she said, 'I've been thinking over things and am not feeling
well. But I know my own mind now. I can never love you as I should like to.'
'Then you'd like to love me. Ah, I will make you love me.. I'll teach you to love me! Only
give me the chance.'
'I don't think I shall ever love--at least, not as other girls do.'
He leaned forward and took her hand; he caught her other hand, and the movement
expressed his belief in his power to make her love him.
'No,' she said, resisting him. 'You cannot. I'm as cold as ice.'
'Think what you're doing, Mildred. You're sacrificing a great love-- (no man will ever

love you as I do)--and for a lot of stuff about education that Mrs. Fargus has filled your
head with. You're sacrificing your life for that,' he said, pointing to the sketch