Catherine: A Story | Page 4

put Madam Marlborough's nose out of
joint; when people had their ears cut off for writing very meek political
pamphlets; and very large full-bottomed wigs were just beginning to be
worn with powder; and the face of Louis the Great, as his was handed
in to him behind the bed-curtains, was, when issuing thence, observed
to look longer, older, and more dismal daily. . . .
About the year One thousand seven hundred and five, that is, in the
glorious reign of Queen Anne, there existed certain characters, and
befell a series of adventures, which, since they are strictly in
accordance with the present fashionable style and taste; since they have
been already partly described in the "Newgate Calendar;" since they are
(as shall be seen anon) agreeably low, delightfully disgusting, and at
the same time eminently pleasing and pathetic, may properly be set
down here.
And though it may be said, with some considerable show of reason,
that agreeably low and delightfully disgusting characters have already
been treated, both copiously and ably, by some eminent writers of the

present (and, indeed, of future) ages; though to tread in the footsteps of
the immortal FAGIN requires a genius of inordinate stride, and to go
a-robbing after the late though deathless TURPIN, the renowned JACK
SHEPPARD, or the embryo DUVAL, may be impossible, and not an
infringement, but a wasteful indication of ill-will towards the eighth
commandment; though it may, on the one hand, be asserted that only
vain coxcombs would dare to write on subjects already described by
men really and deservedly eminent; on the other hand, that these
subjects have been described so fully, that nothing more can be said
about them; on the third hand (allowing, for the sake of argument, three
hands to one figure of speech), that the public has heard so much of
them, as to be quite tired of rogues, thieves, cutthroats, and Newgate
altogether;--though all these objections may be urged, and each is
excellent, yet we intend to take a few more pages from the "Old Bailey
Calendar," to bless the public with one more draught from the Stone
Jug:*--yet awhile to listen, hurdle-mounted, and riding down the
Oxford Road, to the bland conversation of Jack Ketch, and to hang with
him round the neck of his patient, at the end of our and his history. We
give the reader fair notice, that we shall tickle him with a few such
scenes of villainy, throat-cutting, and bodily suffering in general, as are
not to be found, no, not in--; never mind comparisons, for such are
odious.
* This, as your Ladyship is aware, is the polite name for Her Majesty's
Prison of Newgate.
In the year 1705, then, whether it was that the Queen of England did
feel seriously alarmed at the notion that a French prince should occupy
the Spanish throne; or whether she was tenderly attached to the
Emperor of Germany; or whether she was obliged to fight out the
quarrel of William of Orange, who made us pay and fight for his Dutch
provinces; or whether poor old Louis Quatorze did really frighten her;
or whether Sarah Jennings and her husband wanted to make a fight,
knowing how much they should gain by it;--whatever the reason was, it
was evident that the war was to continue, and there was almost as much
soldiering and recruiting, parading, pike and gun-exercising, flag-flying,
drum-beating, powder-blazing, and military enthusiasm, as we can all

remember in the year 1801, what time the Corsican upstart menaced
our shores. A recruiting-party and captain of Cutts's regiment (which
had been so mangled at Blenheim the year before) were now in
Warwickshire; and having their depot at Warwick, the captain and his
attendant, the corporal, were used to travel through the country, seeking
for heroes to fill up the gaps in Cutts's corps,--and for adventures to
pass away the weary time of a country life.
Our Captain Plume and Sergeant Kite (it was at this time, by the way,
that those famous recruiting-officers were playing their pranks in
Shrewsbury) were occupied very much in the same manner with
Farquhar's heroes. They roamed from Warwick to Stratford, and from
Stratford to Birmingham, persuading the swains of Warwickshire to
leave the plough for the Pike, and despatching, from time to time, small
detachments of recruits to extend Marlborough's lines, and to act as
food for the hungry cannon at Ramillies and Malplaquet.
Of those two gentlemen who are about to act a very important part in
our history, one only was probably a native of Britain,--we say
probably, because the individual in question was himself quite
uncertain, and, it must be added, entirely indifferent about his
birthplace; but speaking the English language, and having been during
the course of his life pretty generally