Candide | Page 8

same effects; there is certainly a train of
sulphur under ground from Lima to Lisbon."
"Nothing more probable," said Candide; "but for the love of God a little
oil and wine."

"How, probable?" replied the philosopher. "I maintain that the point is
capable of being demonstrated."
Candide fainted away, and Pangloss fetched him some water from a
neighbouring fountain. The following day they rummaged among the
ruins and found provisions, with which they repaired their exhausted
strength. After this they joined with others in relieving those
inhabitants who had escaped death. Some, whom they had succoured,
gave them as good a dinner as they could in such disastrous
circumstances; true, the repast was mournful, and the company
moistened their bread with tears; but Pangloss consoled them, assuring
them that things could not be otherwise.
"For," said he, "all that is is for the best. If there is a volcano at Lisbon
it cannot be elsewhere. It is impossible that things should be other than
they are; for everything is right."
A little man dressed in black, Familiar of the Inquisition, who sat by
him, politely took up his word and said:
"Apparently, then, sir, you do not believe in original sin; for if all is for
the best there has then been neither Fall nor punishment."
"I humbly ask your Excellency's pardon," answered Pangloss, still more
politely; "for the Fall and curse of man necessarily entered into the
system of the best of worlds."
"Sir," said the Familiar, "you do not then believe in liberty?"
"Your Excellency will excuse me," said Pangloss; "liberty is consistent
with absolute necessity, for it was necessary we should be free; for, in
short, the determinate will----"
Pangloss was in the middle of his sentence, when the Familiar
beckoned to his footman, who gave him a glass of wine from Porto or
Opporto.

VI
HOW THE PORTUGUESE MADE A BEAUTIFUL AUTO-DA-FÉ,
TO PREVENT ANY FURTHER EARTHQUAKES; AND HOW
CANDIDE WAS PUBLICLY WHIPPED.
After the earthquake had destroyed three-fourths of Lisbon, the sages of
that country could think of no means more effectual to prevent utter
ruin than to give the people a beautiful auto-da-fé[6]; for it had been
decided by the University of Coimbra, that the burning of a few people
alive by a slow fire, and with great ceremony, is an infallible secret to
hinder the earth from quaking.
In consequence hereof, they had seized on a Biscayner, convicted of
having married his godmother, and on two Portuguese, for rejecting the
bacon which larded a chicken they were eating[7]; after dinner, they
came and secured Dr. Pangloss, and his disciple Candide, the one for
speaking his mind, the other for having listened with an air of
approbation. They were conducted to separate apartments, extremely
cold, as they were never incommoded by the sun. Eight days after they
were dressed in san-benitos[8] and their heads ornamented with paper
mitres. The mitre and san-benito belonging to Candide were painted
with reversed flames and with devils that had neither tails nor claws;
but Pangloss's devils had claws and tails and the flames were upright.
They marched in procession thus habited and heard a very pathetic
sermon, followed by fine church music. Candide was whipped in
cadence while they were singing; the Biscayner, and the two men who
had refused to eat bacon, were burnt; and Pangloss was hanged, though
that was not the custom. The same day the earth sustained a most
violent concussion.
Candide, terrified, amazed, desperate, all bloody, all palpitating, said to
himself:
"If this is the best of possible worlds, what then are the others? Well, if
I had been only whipped I could put up with it, for I experienced that
among the Bulgarians; but oh, my dear Pangloss! thou greatest of
philosophers, that I should have seen you hanged, without knowing for

what! Oh, my dear Anabaptist, thou best of men, that thou should'st
have been drowned in the very harbour! Oh, Miss Cunegonde, thou
pearl of girls! that thou should'st have had thy belly ripped open!"
Thus he was musing, scarce able to stand, preached at, whipped,
absolved, and blessed, when an old woman accosted him saying:
"My son, take courage and follow me."

VII
HOW THE OLD WOMAN TOOK CARE OF CANDIDE, AND HOW
HE FOUND THE OBJECT HE LOVED.
Candide did not take courage, but followed the old woman to a decayed
house, where she gave him a pot of pomatum to anoint his sores,
showed him a very neat little bed, with a suit of clothes hanging up, and
left him something to eat and drink.
"Eat, drink, sleep," said she, "and may our lady of Atocha,[9] the great
St. Anthony of Padua, and the great St. James of Compostella, receive
you under their protection. I shall be back to-morrow."