Born Again | Page 4

exerting myself as little as possible.
At length, however, my strength gave way entirely and I felt that the
time had arrived when I must come face to face with the God whom I
had been taught to believe in from infancy according to the Christian
faith. Then it seemed that a million thoughts crowded themselves into
my brain at the same time.
How would He receive me? What dire judgment would He pass upon

me? Had I ever done anything to merit His pleasure? I could not
recollect one good deed I had ever accomplished of sufficient
importance to call to His attention, but on the contrary I recalled a
thousand bad acts I should not have committed. I had spent a roving,
aimless existence in which I had done practically nothing to increase
the production or knowledge of the world, I had lived for myself
alone--a life of mere pleasure seeking, without ever a thought of others'
rights or happiness. I remembered that during a hunting expedition in
Africa how I had once shot and killed seventeen spring-bok in one day,
and how I had swelled up with conceit to know that I had destroyed the
lives of that many living things. True, they were not human beings, but
were they not creatures of nature as well as myself? What right had I to
take the life of any living thing at all, let alone for mere pleasure? What
excuse could I now offer if tried for that cowardly offence? Would I
ask God's forgiveness? If so, would it be any better to ask Him to
forgive me just before I died or immediately afterward? What
difference would it make? Then again I wondered if God would have
any more respect for me if after committing the deed I whined and
begged for mercy. Would He not consider that cowardly on my part?
Would He not think better of me if I went forward bravely and said:
Here I am, O God, I know I have done wrong, now punish me as Thou
see'st fit. What would I do if I were to occupy the Creator's position as
supreme judge in a case of that kind? Would I not think far more of the
man who would come forward courageously and take the punishment
he deserved than the creeping, cringing and whining being who begged
for mercy? Would God the Creator be more unreasonable about the
matter than I, whom He had created?
I had always thanked God as well as my parents for the extraordinary
physical strength and courage with which I was endowed, and during
my life of trials and hardships that courage had never been shaken by
man or beast, but now I felt that the crucial test was about to be applied.
Would the courage the Almighty gave me weaken when about to face
Him who had bestowed it upon me?
With these and similar thoughts passing through my mind and my
strength exhausted, I took one long breath and sank beneath the water.

CHAPTER IV
Sinking slowly down with a feeling of drowsiness stealing away my
senses, I was suddenly awakened by my body coming to an abrupt stop
and resting upon some hard substance. My first impression was that I
had collided with some huge sea-monster and was about to be devoured.
So placing my hands and feet firmly upon it I sprang upward with all
the force I could command in an effort to get out of its reach, but to my
great surprise my head and half of my body shot out of the water into
the air above and down I came again square upon my feet with a jolt
that caused my teeth to rattle. And there I stood with my head and
shoulders out of the water while my lungs inhaled long draughts of
pure fresh air. I was too astonished to think and too weak to move, so I
just stood there motionless until I had regained my equilibrium. I could
never forget how sweet life seemed to me at that time. For a long time I
remained standing there without giving a thought as to what I was
resting upon, and when I did direct my attention to the question I was
incapable of forming a satisfactory solution to the mystery. According
to the charts there was no land in that part of the ocean. Could it be a
whale, I wondered? The more I thought of it the more perplexed I
became. The night was very dark and I could see nothing about me in
any direction, so I concluded that the only thing to do was to remain
standing just where I was until daybreak. It was a long and tedious wait
and I suffered