that parking to allow the tail lifts space would be a big
problem, our biggest problem would turn out to be the regular breaking
down of the lifts.
My (So-Called) Exciting Life
I had my hair cut today, which has become a weighty decision in my
mind. It goes something like this...
(a) Do I get a crop or not? If I get a crop I'll look like I've just been
released from a concentration camp, if I don't then I'll look like a
paedophile.
(b) Will my mum like it? If not then I'll have to put up with 3weeks
worth of moaning about how terrible I look.
(c) Will this cut enhance my ability to attract members of the opposite
sex? To be honest, no haircut has ever done this but I live in hope.
(d) If I go to my local hairdressers will I get the trainee ...and if I do
will it be possible to get a refund?
Anyway, I went in and got a 'short-back-and-sides' and rather
unfortunately I'm deaf as a post when I'm not wearing my glasses (for
those who have 20/20 vision, you don't wear your glasses when getting
a haircut). So when the whole place erupted in fits of laughter I didn't
know if it was because of a rapidly growing bald-spot.
(Still while I can't see it, it doesn't exist.)
The best I can say is that I'm not having to brush my hair out my eyes
with a pair of gloves covered in someone else's vomit.
Which is nice...
Bloody Cat...
I'm sitting here single on station (you need two people to man an
ambulance, and if you haven't got anyone to work with you are 'single'
and therefore unable to work. However you need to stay on station in
case they find someone else in London who is single. In that case you
find yourself trekking across London to work in a place you've only
seen on telly). I'm hungry and bored, partly because it's night-time, and
partly because there is no-one else on station.
However I have a plan...
To counter the boredom I have a DVD I can watch on the station's new
DVD player (bought out of staff funds, so no we haven't been
defrauding the NHS). The hunger problem will soon be solved by the
microwave curry I have sitting in my car.
Let us now introduce a new member into the cast, when I said I was
alone that was a bit of a lie, there is the station cat. Well at least I think
it's a cat as it is so threadbare it could be anything. This cat is so stupid
it lies in front of your ambulance just when you need it the most, and
refuses to move until you physically have to kick lift it gently out of the
way. However, it is intelligent enough to realize that when someone is
using the microwave there will be an opportunity for begging for food
5minutes later (13minutes if the food is frozen).
I nearly fell over the damn thing stepping away from the microwave,
only to spend the next 10minutes discussing with a mouth full of
Chicken Korma why it wouldn't like to jump up on my lap and make
off with my dinner. It went a little something like this...
Miaow.
'No you can't have any.'
Miaow.
'You wouldn't like it.'
Miaow.
'Go eat your own dinner.'
Miaow.
Gets up, plate in hand, to check that the cat does indeed have
food/water/toy mouse.
Miaow.
'Will you bugger off!'
Miaow.
At this point I put the plate (still with some of my food on it) on the
floor, which the mangy beast sniffs and turns his nose up at. Said 'cat'
then goes and hides under a table.
Horrible bloody creature.
It's now dead, there is only one person on station who misses the
bloody thing.
Why this is a Good Job
My crewmate and I went to a man having a fit on Christmas day; he
was a security guard and built like a brick out-house. This fit wasn't
your 'normal' epileptic fit, but instead the man was punchy and
aggressive. To say it was a struggle to get him on the back of the
ambulance is to say that Paris Hilton may have appeared in an Internet
video download. Cutting a long story short, the patient is diabetic and
his blood sugar had dropped to a dangerously low level. Luckily, we
carry an injection to reverse this and after wrestling with him in order
to give him this drug he made a full recovery before we even reached
the hospital. This is a nice job because we actually helped someone
rather than just drive them to hospital.
Other benefits of the job
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