Bill Nyes Comic History of England | Page 6

that it was free. As
many as ten thousand in one day were converted, and Augustine was made Archbishop of
Canterbury. On a small island in the Thames he built a church dedicated to St. Peter,
where now is Westminster Abbey, a prosperous sanctuary entirely out of debt.
The history of the Heptarchy is one of murder, arson, rapine, assault and battery, breach
of the peace, petty larceny, and the embezzlement of the enemy's wife.
In 827, Egbert, King of Wessex and Duke of Shandygaff, conquered all his foes and
became absolute ruler of England (Land of the Angles). Taking charge of this angular
kingdom, he established thus the mighty country which now rules the world in some
respects, and which is so greatly improved socially since those days.
Two distinguished scholars flourished in the eighth century, Bede and Alcuin. They at
once attracted attention by being able to read coarse print at sight. Bede wrote the
Ecclesiastical History of the Angles. It is out of print now. Alcuin was a native of York,
and with the aid of a lump of chalk and the side of a vacant barn could figure up things
and add like everything. Students flocked to him from all over the country, and
matriculated by the dozen. If he took a fancy to a student, he would take him away
privately and show him how to read.
The first literary man of note was a monk of Whitby named Caedmon, who wrote poems
on biblical subjects when he did not have to monk. His works were greatly like those of
Milton, and especially like "Paradise Lost," it is said.
Gildas was the first historian of Britain, and the scathing remarks made about his
fellow-countrymen have never been approached by the most merciless of modern
historians.
The book was highly interesting, and it is a wonder that some enterprising American
publisher has not appropriated it, as the author is now extremely dead.
[Illustration: A DISCIPLE OF THE LIQUID RELIGION PRACTISED BY THE
SAXON.]

CHAPTER IV.
THE INFLUX OF THE DANES: FACTS SHOWING CONCLUSIVELY THEIR
INFLUENCE ON THE BRITON OF TO-DAY.
And now, having led the eager student up to the year 827 A.D., let us take him forward
from the foundation of the English monarchy to the days of William the Conqueror,
1066.
Egbert, one of the kings of Wessex, reigned practically over Roman Britain when the
country was invaded by the Northmen (Swedes, Norwegians, and Danes), who treated the
Anglo-Saxon as the Anglo-Saxon had formerly treated the poor Briton.
These Northmen were rather coarse people, and even put the Anglo-Saxons to the blush
sometimes. They exercised vigorously, and thus their appetites were sharp enough to cut
a hair. They at first came in the capacity of pirates,--sliding stealthily into isolated coast
settlements on Saturday evening and eating up the Sunday victuals, capturing the girls of
the Bible-class and sailing away. But later they came as conquerors, and boarded with the
peasantry permanently.
Egbert formed an alliance with his old enemies, the Welsh, and gained a great victory
over the Northmen; but when he died and left Ethelwolf, his son, in charge of the throne,
he made a great mistake. Ethelwolf was a poor king, "being given more to religious
exercises than reigning," says the historian. He would often exhibit his piety in order to
draw attention away from His Royal Incompetency. He was not the first or last to
smother the call to duty under the cry of Hallelujah. Like the little steamer engine with
the big whistle, when he whistled the boat stopped. He did not have a boiler big enough
to push the great ship of state and shout Amen at the same time.
Ethelwolf defeated the enemy in one great battle, but too late to prevent a hold-up upon
the island of Thanet, and afterwards at Shippey, near London, where the enemy settled
himself.
Yet Ethelwolf made a pilgrimage to Rome with Alfred, then six years old (A.D. 855). He
was gone a year, during which time very little reigning was done at home, and the
Northmen kept making treaties and coming over in larger droves.
Ethelwolf visited Charles the Bald of France at this time, and married his daughter Judith
incidentally. Ethelwolf's eldest son died during the king's absence, and was succeeded as
eldest son by Ethelbald (heir-apparent, though he had no hair apparent), who did not
recognize the old gentleman or allow him to be seated on his own throne when he came
back; but Ethelwolf gave the naughty Ethelbald the western half of the kingdom rather
than have trouble. But Baldy died, and was succeeded by Ethelbert, who died six years
later, and Ethelred, in 866, took charge till 871, when he died of a wound received in
battle and