Back to the Woods

Back to the Woods - The Story of
a Fall from Grace

The Project Gutenberg eBook, Back to the Woods, by Hugh McHugh
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Title: Back to the Woods
Author: Hugh McHugh
Release Date: June 13, 2004 [eBook #12609]
Language: English
Character set encoding: US-ASCII
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BACK TO
THE WOODS***
E-text prepared by Al Haines

BACK TO THE WOODS
The Story of a Fall from Grace
BY HUGH McHUGH
AUTHOR OF
"JOHN HENRY," "DOWN THE LINE WITH JOHN HENRY," "IT'S
UP TO YOU," ETC.
ILLUSTRATED
1902

To all the boys in the Hammer Club:--Greetings and gesundheit! Get
together now and hit hard--for the Devil loveth a Cheerful Knocker.

CONTENTS.

JOHN HENRY'S LUCKY DAYS
JOHN HENRY'S GHOST STORY
JOHN HENRY'S BURGLAR
JOHN HENRY'S COUNTRY COP
JOHN HENRY'S TELEGRAM
JOHN HENRY'S TWO QUEENS
JOHN HENRY'S HAPPY HOME

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
Yours till the last whistle blows, believe me! John Henry
Clara J.--A Dream of Peaches--Please Pass the Cream
Uncle Peter--the Original Trust Tamer
Aunt Martha--a Short, Stout Bundle of Good Nature
Tacks--the Boy Disaster
Bunch Jefferson--All to the Good and Two to Carry

CHAPTER I
.
JOHN HENRY'S LUCKY DAYS.
Seven, come eleven!
After promising Clara J. that I would never again light a pipe at the race
track, there I stood, one of the busiest puff-puff laddies on the circuit.
Well, the truth of the matter is just this: I fell asleep at the switch and
somebody put the white lights all over me.
Just how I happened to join the Dream Builders' Association I don't
know, but for several weeks I was Willie the Wild Boy at the race track
and I kept all the Bookmakers busy trying not to laugh when they took
my money.
Every day when I showed up at the gate the Pipers played "Darling,
Dream of Me!" and every time I picked a skate the Smokers' Society
went into executive session and elected me a life member.
Every horse that finished last gave me the trembling lip as he crawled
home, well aware of the fact that I had caught him with the goods.
I blame Bunch Jefferson for putting the bug in my Central.
Bunch went down to the skating pond one day with $18 and picked

four live wires at an average of 8 to 1. Then he began to talk about
himself.
After that event whenever I happened to meet Bunch he would raise his
megaphone and fill the neighborhood with hot ozone, fresh from the
oven.
It was pitiful to see that boy swell.
Just to cure Bunch and drive him out of the balloon business I made up
my mind one day I'd run down to the Flatfish Factory and drag a few
honest dollars away from the Bookmakers.
Splash!
That's where I fell overboard.
One bright Saturday P. M. found me clinging to a wad the size of a
fountain pen and trying to decide whether I'd better play Dinkalorum at
40 to 1 or Hysterics at 9 to 5.
I finally decided that a ten-spot on Dinkalorum would net me enough to
give Bunch a line of sad talk, so I stepped up to the poor-box and
contributed.
Dinkalorum started off in the lead like a pale streak and I immediately
bought an entirely new set of furniture for the flat.
About half way around a locomotive whistle happened to blow near by.
Dinkalorum, being a Union horse, thought it was six o'clock and
refused absolutely to work a minute overtime.
I had to put the furniture back in the store.
In the next race I decided to play a system of my own invention so I
took my program, counted seven up, four down and two up, all of
which resulted in Pink Slob at 60 to 1.
It looked good and I handed Isadore Longfinger $10 for the purpose of
tearing $600 away from him a little later on.
Pink Slob got away in the lead but he made the mistake of walking fast
instead of running, with the result that when the other horses were back
in the stable Pinkie was still giving a heel and toe exhibition around
near third base.
It wasn't my day, so I squeezed into the thirst parlor and bathed my
injured feelings with sarsaparilla.
Just before the last race I ran across Bunch. He was over $300 to the
good and he wanted to treat me to a lot of kind words he felt like saying