Ayesha | Page 7

greatest insult you can offer to the Power
that made you, to cast back its gift of life as a thing outworn,
contemptible and despised. A crime, I say, which will bring with it
worse punishment than any you can dream; perhaps even the
punishment of everlasting separation."
"Does a man stretched in some torture-den commit a crime if he
snatches a knife and kills himself, Horace? Perhaps; but surely that sin
should find forgiveness--if torn flesh and quivering nerves may plead
for mercy. I am such a man, and I will use that knife and take my
chance. She is dead, and in death at least I shall be nearer her."
"Why so, Leo? For aught you know Ayesha may be living."

"No; for then she would have given me some sign. My mind is made up,
so talk no more, or, if talk we must, let it be of other things."
Then I pleaded with him, though with little hope, for I saw that what I
had feared for long was come to pass. Leo was mad: shock and sorrow
had destroyed his reason. Were it not so, he, in his own way a very
religious man, one who held, as I knew, strict opinions on such matters,
would never have purposed to commit the wickedness of suicide.
"Leo," I said, "are you so heartless that you would leave me here alone?
Do you pay me thus for all my love and care, and wish to drive me to
my death? Do so if you will, and my blood be on your head."
"Your blood! Why your blood, Horace?"
"Because that road is broad and two can travel it. We have lived long
years together and together endured much; I am sure that we shall not
be long parted."
Then the tables were turned and he grew afraid for me. But I only
answered, "If you die I tell you that I shall die also. It will certainly kill
me."
So Leo gave way. "Well," he exclaimed suddenly, "I promise you it
shall not be to-night. Let us give life another chance."
"Good," I answered; but I went to my bed full of fear. For I was certain
that this desire of death, having once taken hold of him, would grow
and grow, until at length it became too strong, and then-- then I should
wither and die who could not live on alone. In my despair I threw out
my soul towards that of her who was departed.
"Ayesha!" I cried, "if you have any power, if in any way it is permitted,
show that you still live, and save your lover from this sin and me from
a broken heart. Have pity on his sorrow and breathe hope into his spirit,
for without hope Leo cannot live, and without him I shall not live."
Then, worn out, I slept.

I was aroused by the voice of Leo speaking to me in low, excited tones
through the darkness.
"Horace," he said, "Horace, my friend, my father, listen!"
In an instant I was wide awake, every nerve and fibre of me, for the
tones of his voice told me that something had happened which bore
upon our destinies.
"Let me light a candle first," I said.
"Never mind the candle, Horace; I would rather speak in the dark. I
went to sleep, and I dreamed the most vivid dream that ever came to me.
I seemed to stand under the vault of heaven, it was black, black, not a
star shone in it, and a great loneliness possessed me. Then suddenly
high up in the vault, miles and miles away, I saw a little light and
thought that a planet had appeared to keep me company. The light
began to descend slowly, like a floating flake of fire. Down it sank, and
down and down, till it was but just above me, and I perceived that it
was shaped like a tongue or fan of flame. At the height of my head
from the ground it stopped and stood steady, and by its ghostly
radiance I saw that beneath was the shape of a woman and that the
flame burned upon her forehead. The radiance gathered strength and
now I saw the woman.
"Horace, it was Ayesha herself, her eyes, her lovely face, her cloudy
hair, and she looked at me sadly, reproachfully, I thought, as one might
who says, 'Why did you doubt?'
"I tried to speak to her but my lips were dumb. I tried to advance and to
embrace her, my arms would not move. There was a barrier between us.
She lifted her hand and beckoned as though bidding me to follow her.
"Then she glided away, and, Horace, my spirit seemed to loose itself
from