Aunt Janes Nieces and Uncle John | Page 4

me if I have to throttle every idea in your wicked old
head!"
"But I'm planning to take you along, this time. Major," observed Uncle
John reflectively.
"Oh. Hum! Well, I can't go. There's too much business to be attended
to--looking after your horrible money."
"Take a vacation. You know I don't care anything about the business. It
can't go very wrong, anyhow. What does it matter if my income isn't
invested properly, or the bond coupons cut when they're due? Drat the
money!"
"That's what I say," added Patsy eagerly. "Be a man, Major Doyle, and
put the business out of your mind. Let's go somewhere and have a good
romp. It will cheer us up."
The Major stared first at one and then at the other.
"What's the programme, John?" he asked stiffly.
"It's going to be a cold winter," remarked the little man, bobbing his
head up and down slowly.
"It is!" cried Patsy, clasping her hands fervently. "I can feel it in my
bones."
"So we're going," said Uncle John, impressively, "to California--where

they grow sunshine and roses to offset our blizzards and icicles."
"Hurray!" shouted Patsy. "I've always wanted to go to California."
"California!" said the Major, amazed; "why, it's farther away than
Europe. It takes a month to get there."
"Nonsense." retorted Uncle John. "It's only four days from coast to
coast. I have a time-table, somewhere," and he began searching in his
pockets.
There was a silence, oppressive on the Major's part, ecstatic as far as
Patsy was concerned. Uncle John found the railway folder, put on his
spectacles, and began to examine it.
"At my time of life," remarked Major Doyle, who was hale and hearty
as a boy, "such a trip is a great undertaking."
"Twenty-four hours to Chicago," muttered Uncle John; "and then three
days to Los Angeles or San Francisco. That's all there is to it."
"Four days and four nights of dreary riding. We'd be dead by that time,"
prophesied the Major.
Uncle John looked thoughtful. Then he lay back in his chair and spread
his handkerchief over his face again.
"No, no!" cried the Major, in alarm. "For mercy's sake, John, don't go
to sleep and catch any more of those terrible ideas. No one knows
where the next one might carry us--to Timbuktu or Yucatan, probably.
Let's stick to California and settle the question before your hothouse
brain grows any more weeds."
"Yucatan," remarked Mr. Merrick, composedly, his voice muffled by
the handkerchief, "isn't a bad suggestion."
"I knew it!" wailed the Major. "How would Ethiopia or Hindustan
strike you?"

Patsy laughed at him. She knew something good was in store for her
and like all girls was enraptured at the thought of visiting new and
interesting scenes.
"Don't bother Uncle John, Daddy," she said. "You know very well he
will carry out any whim that seizes him; especially if you oppose the
plan, which you usually do."
"He's the most erratic and irresponsible man that ever lived,"
announced her father, staring moodily at the spread handkerchief which
covered Uncle John's cherub-like features. "New York is good enough
for anybody, even in winter; and now that you're in society, Patsy--"
"Oh, bother society! I hate it."
"True," he agreed; "it's a regular treadmill when it has enslaved one,
and keeps you going on and on without progressing a bit. The object of
society is to tire you out and keep you from indulging in any other
occupation."
"You know nothing about it," observed Patsy, demurely, "and that is
why you love to rail at society. The things you know, Daddy dear, are
the things you never remark upon."
"Huh!" grunted the Major, and relapsed into silence.
Mumbles had finished his after-dinner nap and was now awakening to
activity. This dog's size, according to the Major, was "about 4x6; but
you can't tell which is the 4 and which the 6." He was distressingly
shaggy. Patsy could find the stump of his tail only by careful search.
Seldom were both eyes uncovered by hair at the same time. But, as his
new mistress had said, he was a wise little dog for one who had only
known the world for a few months, and his brain was exceedingly alert.
After yawning at the fire he rubbed his back against the Major's legs,
sat up beside Patsy and looked at her from one eye pleadingly. Next he
trotted over to Uncle John. The big white handkerchief attracted him
and one corner hung down from the edge of the reclining chair.
Mumbles sat up and reached for it, but could not quite get it in his teeth.

So he sat down and thought it over, and presently made a leap so
unexpectedly agile that Patsy roared with merriment and even the
Major