Auld Licht Idyls | Page 7

That means a good deal, for
many of the letters were written to dictation by the Thrums
school-master, Mr. Fleemister, who belonged to the Auld Kirk. He was
one of the few persons in the community who looked upon the despatch
of his letters by the post-mistress as his right, and not a favor on her
part; there was a long-standing feud between them accordingly. After a
few tumblers of Widow Stables' treacle-beer--in the concoction of
which she was the acknowledged mistress for miles around--the
schoolmaster would sometimes go the length of hinting that he could
get the post-mistress dismissed any day. This mighty power seemed to
rest on a knowledge of "steamed" letters. Thrums had a high respect for
the school-master; but among themselves the weavers agreed that, even
if he did write to the Government, Lizzie Harrison, the post-mistress,
would refuse to transmit the letter. The more shrewd ones among us
kept friends with both parties; for, unless you could write "writ-hand,"
you could not compose a letter without the school-master's assistance;
and, unless Lizzie was so courteous as to send it to its destination, it
might lie--or so it was thought--much too long in the box. A letter
addressed by the schoolmaster found great disfavor in Lizzie's eyes.
You might explain to her that you had merely called in his assistance
because you were a poor hand at writing yourself, but that was held no
excuse. Some addressed their own envelopes with much labor, and

sought to palm off the whole as their handiwork. It reflects on the
post-mistress somewhat that she had generally found them out by next
day, when, if in a specially vixenish mood, she did not hesitate to
upbraid them for their perfidy.
To post a letter you did not merely saunter to the post-office and drop it
into the box. The cautious correspondent first went into the shop and
explained to Lizzie how matters stood. She kept what she called a
bookseller's shop as well as the post-office; but the supply of books
corresponded exactly to the lack of demand for them, and her chief
trade was in nick-nacks, from marbles and money-boxes up to
concertinas. If he found the post-mistress in an amiable mood, which
was only now and then, the caller led up craftily to the object of his
visit. Having discussed the weather and the potato-disease, he
explained that his sister Mary, whom Lizzie would remember, had
married a fishmonger in Dundee. The fishmonger had lately started on
himself and was doing well. They had four children. The youngest had
had a severe attack of measles. No news had been got of Mary for
twelve months; and Annie, his other sister, who lived in Thrums, had
been at him of late for not writing. So he had written a few lines; and,
in fact, he had the letter with him. The letter was then produced, and
examined by the postmistress. If the address was in the schoolmaster's
handwriting, she professed her inability to read it. Was this a t or an l or
an _i?_ was that a b or a _d?_ This was a cruel revenge on Lizzie's part;
for the sender of the letter was completely at her mercy. The
school-master's name being tabooed in her presence, he was unable to
explain that the writing was not his own; and as for deciding between
the _t_'s and _l_'s, he could not do it. Eventually he would be directed
to put the letter into the box. They would do their best with it, Lizzie
said, but in a voice that suggested how little hope she had of her efforts
to decipher it proving successful.
There was an opinion among some of the people that the letter should
not be stamped by the sender. The proper thing to do was to drop a
penny for the stamp into the box along with the letter, and then Lizzie
would see that it was all right. Lizzie's acquaintance with the
handwriting of every person in the place who could write gave her a

great advantage. You would perhaps drop into her shop some day to
make a purchase, when she would calmly produce a letter you had
posted several days before. In explanation she would tell you that you
had not put a stamp on it, or that she suspected there was money in it,
or that you had addressed it to the wrong place. I remember an old man,
a relative of my own, who happened for once in his life to have several
letters to post at one time. The circumstance was so out of the common
that he considered it only reasonable to make Lizzie a small present.
Perhaps the post-mistress was belied; but if she did not "steam" the